Behind the Mask
by Born2WriteSVU
Summary: This is a version of Olivia and Ed's romance, with the build-up that I believe could have worked for a lot of fans. I am an avid E/O shipper & writer but I CAN see Olivia move on. Feel free to ignore if you don't feel the same way. If you're open to something new, start off by disliking Tucker and see where my story takes you. If you're into Tuckson, have fun!
1. January - June, 2014

**Summary:**

 **This is a version of Olivia and Ed's romance, the way it might have been acceptable for me on SVU, with a build-up that I believe could have worked for a lot of fans. I am an avid E/O shipper & writer, but to be honest, I _can_ see Olivia move on. Feel free to ignore if you don't feel the same way. If you're open to something new, start off by disliking Tucker and see where my story takes you. If you're into Tuckson, have fun!**  
 **Knowledge of the episodes from January 2014 forward is assumed. Using existing scenes and adding a few of my own. Some (parts) of the episode summaries are courtesy of Wikipedia.**

Setup of the story:

I will use scenes from the show and I will add a few of my own, which I feel would have helped to make the 'ship' acceptable for much more people. I think this would have helped for me. There are rather large time jumps in the beginning, because Benson and Tucker didn't run into each other that often over the years.

Each scene is introduced with details of the episode it is related to.  
Sometimes it is not linked to a specific episode, which will be indicated at the beginning of the section.

 **Bold print** are direct quotes from the actual show. No copyright infringement intended.

-SVU-

* * *

 **Chapter 1: January - June, 2014**

-SVU-

 **January, 2014**

 _ **Amaro's One-Eighty**_ _\- After leaving a dinner party at Cassidy and Benson's apartment, Amaro and Rollins witness an officer in the chase of a suspected drug dealer. A standoff leads to gunfire and a teenage boy is gravely wounded. When the evidence shows that the boy was unarmed, the SVU squad struggles to keep IAB Lieutenant Tucker and recently assigned Detective Cassidy from jumping to conclusions. When the case is finally behind them, Cragen announces his retirement from the NYPD and asks Benson to become acting commander of the unit once he leaves._

-SVU-

Olivia had had no choice but to call in IAB again after someone had shot at Nick's house while his mother and daughter were with him. Tucker needed to see the whole picture. The man had actually shown a glimpse of humanity when he commented on Nick going after the witnesses slash lookouts of the shooter with a baseball bat. Told him that he would have done the same thing, or worse.

After the grand jury decided that Nick would not be indicted for shooting the 14-year old boy, Olivia ran into the IAB Lieutenant again. She didn't exactly feel like going home because Brian would be there. He had been a quite active participant in the investigation into Nick and that stung her. She hated getting caught in the middle, again. Conflicts of interest sucked. So when Tucker asked her if she had time for a drink, she accepted. It couldn't hurt to get a better read on the man, now that she was going to head up SVU and Tucker was Brian's boss on top of that.

"I'm glad it didn't go to trial," Tucker told her once they were seated with a drink at the bar of a small café a few blocks away from the 1-6.

"Really?"

Olivia was genuinely surprised. Tucker smirked and took a sip before setting his glass of Bourbon down.

"Yeah, really. I knew right off the bat that it was an honest mistake."

Olivia squinted and looked at the man next to her more attentively.

"You could have fooled me."

Tucker leaned his elbows on the bar and clasped his hands under his chin.

"The media pressure was huge on this one," he told her, not looking at her.

"You weren't any more or less annoying than usual," Olivia said, deciding not to mince words with the man now that he was apparently in an honest mood.

Tucker chuckled and picked up his drink again. He drank slowly and finally looked at her.

"I'm trying to show your boyfriend the ropes. We can't be biased one way or the other."

"You mean you can't _show_ that you're biased one way or the other."

"Same difference."

"Hardly," Olivia countered. "It would really help if you'd show some understanding every once in awhile, even if it's off the record."

Tucker nodded and seemed to contemplate her words.

"I know Nick won't tell you himself," Olivia added, "but he really appreciated your words when we were at his house."

"I meant what I said," he offered. "I don't have any kids myself, but I can understand wanting to kill anyone who gets near the ones you love."

Somehow the word love sounded very strange coming from the mouth of her life-long, seemingly emotionless adversary. Also, his remark about not having kids made her curious about his family.

"Didn't you ever want kids?" she asked him as casually as she could while tracing the rim of her glass with her finger.

Tucker took another long sip from his drink, emptying his glass. He signaled the bartender for another one, glancing at Olivia's wine glass in the process. She had hardly drank anything yet and gestured that she was good for now.

"By the time I began thinking about starting a family, my wife had already decided she didn't want that with me."

He had sounded so bitter that Olivia almost put a hand on his arm to comfort him. She caught herself just in time. This was Tucker, after all.

"What happened?" she asked him instead.

"Let's just say that I had a hard time trusting anyone after … that."

The bartender refilled Tucker's glass and he grabbed it to continue drinking. Olivia picked up her glass as well and took a sip of her red wine. This was turning into a weirdly personal conversation. Tucker having trust issues made sense. He was the most suspicious person she knew, even when in her eyes there was nothing to be suspicious about. She had difficulty trusting people herself, only she tried not to bother other people with her issues. She had simply locked her heart away from the world and never let anyone in. Not even Brian, although he had tried. Lately, he seemed to accept that things weren't going to get any better than they were now. So had she.

The few times she'd tried to trust someone, it had always backfired. It had all started with her mother, of course. And then the man that should have rescued her from her mother betrayed her by walking away when things got tough. Many men had followed in his footsteps after that, until Olivia just hadn't expected anything else anymore. Elliot walking out of her life after twelve years of friendship had almost destroyed her. David dumping her for a promotion had only confirmed to her that no one could be trusted with her heart. Not even a driven ADA with the same sense of justice she had. And she knew it was only a matter of time before Brian would leave her too. So having a hard time trusting anyone resonated with her.

Tucker seemed to be done with the personal revelations and sat up straight, turning slightly towards her.

"So. I hear Cragen has asked you to take the helm at SVU after he retires. I didn't know you had aspirations to move up in the ranks."

Olivia grinned and took another sip of wine before answering him.

"Neither did I, actually. But when he asked me to take the Sergeant's exam a while ago, I warmed up to the idea of taking on a new role. Flexing a new muscle. Maybe it's time, after so many years on the streets."

Tucker agreed and they toasted on her new position. After finishing their drinks, they went their separate ways. Olivia was glad she'd gone with Tucker because she'd gained a tiny bit of insight into the man behind the stoic mask. And that could never hurt when dealing with IAB.

-SVU-

* * *

 **April, 2014**

 _ **Post-Mortem Blues**_ _\- Benson is rescued by the squad moments after Lewis' final act and IAB Lieutenant Tucker investigates Benson's actions._

-SVU-

They were going with the absolute truth. Lying had gotten her in trouble before and Olivia was glad that Murphy was backing her up on this. She was still shaking after her second run-in with William Lewis. He'd almost raped her and had ended up shooting himself in the head after a game of Russian roulette. The final bullet had been for her, but he'd turned the gun on himself instead. The team had not gotten to them in time to witness his suicide and they were not going to lie about that. Olivia was glad. The truth would set her free. Wouldn't it?

She had been alone with her nightmares all night and she wished now that she hadn't broken up with Brian just yet. She knew he wasn't what she needed in a man in the end, but at least he'd been used to seeing her walk around like a zombie. At least she wouldn't have been alone with her thoughts.

She could see the judgment in Tucker's eyes even before he started his interrogation. Unbiased, right? He wasn't and she knew it. He knew it too. He thought she had shot Lewis. She zoned out for a few moments after giving Tucker and his partner Draper the details of her contact with Lewis during the days leading up to the confrontation at the granary. She was pulled out of a disturbing flashback by Tucker's voice.

 **"Sergeant. Sergeant. Do you need a moment?"**

 **"No,"** she said quickly, not wanting to seem weak. **"I'm sorry. What ... what was the question?"**

 **"Did you at any time notify your commanding officer of your location or intent?"** Draper asked.

 **"I did not,"** she responded, and went on to explain that she didn't want to endanger the life of the young girl Lewis had abducted any further.

When they got to the part where Lewis had given her a choice who would be raped first and she told them what her choice had been, she looked Tucker dead in the eye.

 **"I told him to rape me."**

He was staring at her, unblinking. His partner continued asking her questions but Tucker was silent, until Rita Calhoun came in and interrupted the interview.

Rita rattled her quite a bit. She might have to go to trial for Lewis' death because of her public confession about beating Lewis. People would believe she had killed him point-blank. She could lose everything. This couldn't be happening. Lewis was getting his way after all.

It was frustrating to no end, and when she and Rita went back to IAB the next day, she realized that this really wasn't going to go away. They didn't believe her. Tucker actually turned the camera off after she'd stressed that Lewis had deliberately switched hands before shooting himself, to make it look like she had shot him.

 **"Let me get this straight, Sergeant,"** Tucker said. **"With seconds to live, one bullet in the revolver, the rest of your squad rushing to your aid ... you're unarmed, you're tied to the table ... he points the gun at you, but instead of firing, he turns the gun to his head and ends his own life?"**

 **"That's exactly what happened."**

 **"What's going on?"** Rita asked, but Tucker asked her to hear him out.

 **"Rita, please. Look we have no problem with Lewis being dead, but your insistence on telling us that this was a suicide, makes it start to sound like a bad cover story."**

 **"And I'm telling you the truth,"** Olivia maintained.

 **"The GSR, the prints... The fact that he was shot in the left temple... all consistent with your having shot him with your right hand,"** Draper said.

 **"I didn't shoot Lewis."**

 **"I mean, is it possible that there was a struggle for the gun? You were trying to save the little girl?"** Tucker asked, almost looking hopeful.

 **"That's not what happened."**

 **"If there was a struggle for the gun and you pulled the trigger to save your life or the life of the little girl, that's a case IAB can close,"** Tucker said earnestly.

He was handing her a way out on a silver platter. He was actually being sympathetic, but she couldn't. She just couldn't. So she took a deep breath and told them again,

 **"That's not what happened."**

Tucker sat back in his chair, actually showing something that looked like frustration. Olivia gave him a defiant glare. She was not going to lie. Not again.

-SVU-

To top it off, Murphy was now urging her to 'line up her story with the fact patterns', as he so tactically put it.

 **"So appearances are more important than the truth?"** Olivia asked him.

 **"Truth doesn't always set you free, Sergeant,"** Murphy countered. **"IAB wants to do the right thing. Let them."**

 **"With all due respect, I don't trust IAB,"** Olivia said. **"And I'm not sure that I trust you either."**

She was disappointed in the man. And in Tucker, too. She hated when cases were buried by the higher-ups and she wasn't going to be a hypocrite and let them bury this case too. She wasn't even certain that it wouldn't backfire on her eventually. Justifiable homicide. It would go on record and into her personnel file. It wasn't true. That was _not_ what happened.

IAB called her and Rita in late at night so they headed over there, not knowing what to expect. Olivia had a feeling that she wasn't going to like it.

 **"Sergeant, we both want to make sure you fully understand the repercussions of your account of this incident,"** Tucker told her as soon as they were all in the interrogation room. No one had bothered to sit down.

 **"My account? Lewis shot himself,"** Olivia fired back.

 **"And we're prepared to confirm that, but if we do, it may not go away,"** Draper told them. " **The new Brooklyn DA might look on this as an NYPD cover-up."**

Tucker asked her attorney,

 **"Rita, do you want to talk with your client?"** but before Rita could answer, Olivia responded.

 **"No, we're fine. I am** _ **not**_ **going to admit to justifiable homicide."**

Tucker nodded, staring at her.

 **"Okay."**

His eyes softened just a little, showing something resembling respect, but Olivia turned around immediately and started walking out of the room.

 **"Brooklyn DA is waiting for us to call him back,"** she heard the Lieutenant say, and she stopped, her hand on the door handle. " **We'll tell him we have not found sufficient evidence to dispute your version of the events."**

Olivia needed a moment to digest what that meant. They believed her? They were clearing her? She looked at Tucker again and he added,

 **"Good luck to you, Sergeant Benson."**

She exchanged a glance with Rita, and they left the room together. Rita was as surprised as she was and admitted, off the record, that even she had doubted Olivia's account of what had happened.

Olivia shook her head as she walked into her apartment. Did everyone have trust issues these days? Or had it always been like this? She took a long, hot shower and changed into sweats and an oversized sweater. She curled up on the couch under a blanket and switched on the television. She still didn't sleep well and hoped she'd doze off with the background noise of some boring talk show. She really wanted to go back to work but Murphy had ordered her to take care of herself first. She sighed. She'd been taking care of herself her whole life. She just wanted to keep busy so she wouldn't have time to think too much.

 _(I know there was more to this episode, but it's not really important for this story, so I skipped the rest.)_

-SVU-

* * *

 **June, 2014**

 _ **No episode** – Benson is in charge of SVU again after Murphy has left the unit for a new undercover assignment. She visits Chief Dodds at One PP once again to ask for at least one extra detective for her team._

-SVU-

"We know you're understaffed, Sergeant, but I'm afraid you're not the only one. You wouldn't believe the number of people we have in therapy for PTSD right now. It's almost like a plague … no offence."

Olivia felt like strangling Chief Dodds. With the condescending attitude he was giving her right now, she was surprised he was even keeping her on as acting commander of SVU. He was looking at her like she was a fragile _girl_ in stead of a strong and dependable leader of her squad.  
She insisted once more that her team couldn't be as effective as he or the mayor wanted it to be with just two detectives in the field, not counting herself. It just couldn't be done and with the press buzzing around each time they found a link between two or more assaults, surely he saw the urgency for SVU. To his credit, Dodds actually wrote something down and promised her he'd get back to her within the week. Olivia suppressed a sigh and walked out of his office frowning. She couldn't fathom how Cragen had managed to do this for so long. She didn't want to waste her time on these meetings but it came with the job.

"Politics," she mumbled under her breath while rounding a corner and literally bumping into none other than IAB Lieutenant Ed Tucker, dropping her bag in the process.

"Sergeant," Tucker huffed, taking a quick step back.

"Lieutenant," she replied quickly. "Sorry, I didn't see you."

"I gathered that. Are you okay?" Tucker asked her, and she frowned at the question.

"Sure, thanks," she mumbled quickly while scooping up her bag.

She wanted to sidestep Tucker and be on her way but he asked her, nodding at Dodds' office,

"Tough meeting?"

Olivia stood still, politeness overriding her urge to get away from Tucker for the moment.

"I'm still understaffed," she answered. "But he promised to get back to me within the week, so that's something at least."

"I see. Well, I hope he comes through for you. How are you doing as commanding officer over there?"

Olivia stared at the Lieutenant for a few moments, trying to find an ulterior motive behind his question, but nothing came to mind.

"It's … different but I manage," she replied after a beat. "You don't think I'm up for the job?"

There had to be a reason for his question so she might as well go for the direct approach.

Tucker held up his hands defensively.

"I'm not saying that, and I'm not implying it. I was just wondering how the new position fit into your … process. I can imagine it would help to be in the field a little less."

Process. Well, that was a nice way of describing what she was going through. Only she wasn't in the field any less at all.

"Maybe it would," she said, "if I could actually _be_ in the field a little less. But unless I get another detective, that won't happen any time soon."

Tucker nodded, and Olivia took a step away from him, letting him know she really had to go.

"Well, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for you as well."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up and Tucker actually gave her a half smile when he noticed her surprise. She knew it was too soon for Nick to come back after his demotion, so she wasn't going to mention him, but Tucker seemed to have no ulterior motive at all with his offer to help her out. Or maybe he just wanted to plant a mole in her unit … She scolded herself mentally for being so suspicious.

"That would be great," she managed to say.

Tucker's phone rang and he apologized before answering it, tapping her arm before turning away from her to take the call.  
Olivia left, shaking her head. What had gotten into him lately?

-SVU-

To be continued.


	2. September, 2014 - January, 2015

**Chapter 2: September, 2014 - January, 2015**

-SVU-

 **September, 2014**

 _ **Producer's Backend**_ _\- Amaro reports to the scene of a car crash where Hollywood starlet Tensley Evans tries to flirt her way out of trouble. Olivia visits Tucker to point out Amaro's by-the-book handling of the situation because she really wants him back on her team._

-SVU-

Olivia was happy with Carisi, the new guy on the team, because he was eager to learn. But she really wanted Nick back as well. He had been demoted after beating up a suspect in the streets. He would have to earn his way back up, but Olivia thought that the way Nick had handled Tensley Evans' advances might help speed things up a bit. She'd need Lieutenant Tucker for that though, and she hoped that the slight shift in their rapport would benefit her and Nick now.

She caught him in his office just when he was standing to pack up his things, and she walked in quickly.

 **"Tucker? Hey, you got a minute?"**

 **"Not really,"** Tucker replied gruffly while starting to pack up.

Olivia forged ahead though, not wanting to leave empty-handed.

 **"Ehm, where are we on Amaro?"**

Tucker looked up at her with an incredulous expression on his face.

 **"Seriously?"** he asked. " **Nowhere yet. He's on probation, demoted to traffic duty, and a female civilian makes accusations of sexual extortion? And you want to call your markers in for this?"**

Olivia pulled her iPad from her bag and asked him,

 **"Have you even seen the footage?"**

 **"Lost causes are not my top priority."**

She put the iPad on his desk anyway and insisted,

 **"Do me a favor and humor me. Watch this."**

Even Tucker had to admit that the footage of the arrest could only be interpreted one way.

 **"That is by the book,"** Olivia stressed. **"He ignores her provocation. He's perfect. You could use this as a teaching tool at the academy."**

 **"And yet, we won't."**

Damn him, always being so totally inflexible.

 **"I will do my due diligence on this and get back to you."**

Olivia suppressed a sigh. She needed more.

 **"I'm short-staffed,"** she reminded the Lieutenant. **"The sooner the better, I'd really appreciate it …"**

Tucker cut her off, being annoyingly all business again.

 **"When the investigation is complete, you'll be the first to know. Have a good day, Sergeant."**

Tucker managed a hint of a smile and she couldn't help reciprocating. No need to piss him off even more while he was in a hurry.

 **"You too."**

And then he actually came through. A few days later, Tucker dropped by at the station late in the afternoon, letting her know that as far as IAB and the Chief of D's was concerned, it was high time that Nick Amaro return to SVU.

"Everyone thinks it is their idea and they couldn't be happier," Tucker told her and this time, he smiled a real smile.

"Tucker, thanks," Olivia sighed.

It was such a relief, not only for her understaffed unit but for Nick personally as well.

"Ah well, no need to make things more complicated than they need to be," Tucker said, and that actually made Olivia laugh out loud.

"Since when?" she exclaimed, still laughing. "I've never seen IAB _not_ make things more complicated than they need to be."

"Now now, there's no need for that, Sergeant," Tucker replied formally, but she could see an actual twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "We're only being thorough."

 _A thorough pain in the ass_ , Olivia thought, but she managed to keep that particular thought to herself. Instead, she closed her laptop and started gathering her things.

"You're heading out?" Tucker asked, rather redundantly.

"Yes," Olivia smiled. "I'm going home to my son."

"Oh, right. You adopted a baby a few months back. How is that going, with your busy schedule and all?"

"Actually, I'm fostering him for now," Olivia corrected him while stuffing her belongings into her bag. "But hopefully, I will be able to adopt him after our first year. And to answer your question, I've found the greatest nanny in the world for Noah so it's all working out."

"That's great," Tucker said sincerely. "I'm happy for you."

Olivia looked up from her things with wide eyes. Happy. That was almost as weird a word to hear come from Tucker's mouth as the word love was.

"Eh … okay," she stammered. "Thanks. I … I'm happy too."

"Let me walk you out."

Olivia made a mental note to check the news later on, to see if there were reports of pigs flying or if there had been a significant drop in temperature in hell …

Tucker walked with her to the parking lot, where he wished her a good night before leaving the lot on foot. Olivia shook her head. Was the Lieutenant developing actual human emotions all of a sudden?

She remembered then what he'd told her about his ex-wife's infidelity. Of course the man had feelings. He just preferred not showing them. Trust issues. She sighed and thought of Noah. Her little boy. Now there was a pure example of a trustworthy human being. Children were pure and Noah was the biggest blessing in her life. He loved her unconditionally and would never lie about his feelings. She got into her car and buckled up. She needed to get home to Noah.

-SVU-

* * *

 _ **Holden's Manifesto**_ _\- Holden March, a lovelorn, socially awkward young man, begins to exact revenge on the women he believes have wronged him, which soon escalates to murder. Noah is in the hospital with breathing problems and his doctor discovers old rib fractures. While working the case, Benson deals with pressure from the newly appointed Deputy Chief William Dodds. Her absence in the hospital is noticed by Noah's case worker._

-SVU-

Chief Dodds was infuriating. He just stood there in her office, unmoving, after she'd asked for a minute to take a personal call. Noah was still in the hospital after Dr. Lee had insisted on running additional tests on him. She'd found signs of old rib fractures that might have contributed to Noah's lung issues. And now Noah's case worker was calling her and the chief was forcing her to leave her own office to take the call.

Her absence at the hospital was going in her file. This was not a good day. Their pattern 13 rapist was still on the loose and the Chief was breathing down her neck. Well, in her face, actually. Hadn't this man ever heard of personal space? Infuriating. It was the only word she could think of, and as soon as they ran out of leads that night, she took off to be with her son at the hospital.

After sitting with Noah for a while and watching him nod off and fall asleep peacefully, Olivia walked down to the hospital cafeteria. She wanted to be alone for just a little while before returning to Noah's room. She would get no sleep tonight sitting with her son and she closed her eyes for a minute, sitting at a table in the back corner of the cafeteria with a cup of tea.

"Sergeant Benson?"

She opened her eyes slowly and looked up.

"Lieutenant. What brings you here at this hour?" she mumbled, sitting up straight and attempting to open her eyes a little wider.

Tucker was standing next to her table, hands behind his back, looking down at her cup of tea and back up at her face.

"You look like you could use something stronger," he commented.

"Can't," Olivia sighed. "I have to get back to Noah soon."

"Your son is here in the hospital?"

"Yeah."

Olivia looked down at her cup of tea and picked it up, lifting it to her lips and taking a small sip.

"So you've been here all day?"

Olivia shook her head.

"No, I just got here an hour ago. Rough day at work. I just needed a few minutes of quiet."

"Work? I would expect you'd be at the hospital all day while your child is here."

"From your lips to Dodds' ears," Olivia said.

"Dodds," Tucker said, and Olivia looked up at him, surprised at the annoyed tone of his voice.

"I take it you're not a fan?"

Tucker shrugged.

"He's a good politician."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow.

"That's a very political answer."

Tucker grinned.

"May I?" he asked, gesturing at the seat across from her.

"Sure."

Olivia sipped her tea while Tucker got a cup of tea for himself and sat down at her table. She suppressed the urge to comment on his choice of beverage and asked him in stead how he had ended up at the hospital.

"Just looked in on an officer that was involved in a shooting earlier tonight to take his statement and to see how he's doing," Tucker replied neutrally.

Olivia looked at the man sitting across from her a little more attentively. He looked tired. She'd never seen him looking tired before. Or maybe she'd never bothered to really look at him. Just the sight of him walking into the squad room usually made her turn away and roll her eyes. He always looked the same anyway. The last few times she'd spoken with him, he'd actually acted more like a human being than a robot. She had to admit she was curious. Knowing now that he'd been hurt profoundly in the past, made her feel something resembling sympathy for the stoic persecutor of bad cops. She decided to ask about the officer he'd come to see.

"So this officer. He was shot?"

Tucker nodded.

"Yeah. But he got the perp too."

"Ah."

That explained IAB's presence. All shootings involving NYPD personnel had to be investigated. It didn't strike Olivia as a very rewarding job.

"Wouldn't you rather be out there, getting the real scum off the streets?" she asked him after drinking the last of her tea.

Tucker looked at her wearily.

"There's scum everywhere, Sergeant. We can't just clean up one aisle and let the other one go to waste."

Wow. His negativity was almost tangible. He forced a smile, probably noticing that she was at a loss for words.

"Sorry for being so grim and disturbing your little moment of peace here."

"No, it's fine," Olivia was quick to say. "Everyone needs to blow off steam from time to time."

"And you can take it."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up. What was that supposed to mean?

"Right?" Tucker continued. "Sergeant Benson is always on the job and she can take anything you throw at her."

Was he being sarcastic now? She didn't think so. So what was he saying? His next question explained what he was getting at.

"Who do you go to, to blow off steam, Sergeant?"

Olivia sat back in her seat and breathed out slowly. She hadn't been prepared for the question. For any question of a personal nature for that matter. On top of that, she didn't have an answer. She had no one. Her defense mechanism kicked in quickly though, and she tried to deflect the attention away from herself fast.

"Well, why don't I just yell at you from time to time, since you seem so comfortable blowing off steam with me?"

Tucker grinned and finished his tea. He stood up and, much to her surprise, he leaned over to her slightly when he said.

"Anytime, Sergeant. If it helps, anytime."

And with that, he was off, leaving Olivia baffled and a little confused.

-SVU-

* * *

 _ **January, 2015**_

 _ **Padre Sandunguero** \- Amaro's father Nicolas invites his estranged family to his wedding with a 28-year-old woman but Amaro declines the invitation. A fight ignites at the wedding rehearsal party, and Nicolas is arrested for assault. Amaro and the SVU squad become entangled in the investigation, with IAB keeping an eye on Amaro's involvement._

-SVU-

"He believes you?"

Olivia had pulled Nick into her office to talk with him privately after he'd come back from IAB. Nick nodded.

"Yeah. That's what he said. Told me to just steer clear of the investigation, so it wouldn't look like a cop is trying to pull strings to protect family."

"Well, good," Olivia said, scratching the back of her head.

"Kinda new huh, having Tucker back me up for a change?" Nick smirked.

It was indeed. But it was a huge relief. Nick had enough on his plate without IAB breathing down his neck.

"Just do as he says, okay Nick?" Olivia stressed. "Just stay out of the way. There were too many witnesses for this to go away. If your father did it, we'll get him."

"Oh he did it alright," Nick huffed. "No doubt about that."

Olivia really felt for Nick. He'd seen his father's' abuse up close. Suffered from it himself. Nick wasn't going to protect his father. She was glad that Tucker apparently could see it that way too. Still, she decided to find Tucker the next evening at his usual watering hole, to point it out to the IAB Lieutenant once more.

 **"Sergeant, we gotta stop meeting like this,"** Tucker said by way of greeting when they spotted each other, but Olivia wasn't in the mood for jokes.

 **"Amaro has no interest in protecting his father,"** she started immediately. **"He is not trying to fix this."**

 **"All right, so much for the small talk,"** Tucker said.

Was he actually developing a sense of humor?

 **"But since you're asking, I would hate to be him right now,"** Tucker continued, and Olivia sighed. **"He either testifies against his father, which is barbaric, or he looks like he's conspiring to cover up a crime. I almost feel sorry for him."**

 **"Wow. You're getting soft in your old age,"** Olivia quipped, relaxing now that Tucker was confirming he really was in Nick's corner this time.

 **"Maybe,"** Tucker said, his eyes softening a bit. **"So, you gonna just stand here talking about Amaro or can I buy you a drink?"**

Huh? Olivia couldn't suppress a smile.

 **"How's the wine here?"** she asked after a few seconds of deliberation.

Tucker smiled and told her,

 **"I think you should try the Bourbon."**

Bourbon really did help her to loosen up. Him too, for that matter, and Olivia discovered that Tucker actually had a great sense of humor. It was a form of gallows humor but it was fun, and she stayed for almost an hour and a half.

"I have to admit, Tucker, that this is a much more fun way to blow off steam than yelling or drowning in negativity," Olivia remarked after a while.

"I agree," Tucker said, downing another Bourbon and signaling the bartender for a new round. "I could think of even more fun ways but I guess it's a little early for that, hm?"

He bumped her shoulder with his and gave her a cocky grin that she'd never seen on him before. Was he seriously flirting with her now? She decided that she'd had more than enough to drink when she heard herself actually chuckle at his remark.

"Lieutenant," she said, hoping to sound stern enough, but Tucker must be feeling bold because he didn't let it go just yet.

He didn't look at her but she heard him loud and clear when he mumbled,

"Must have been a while for you, too."

"I am not having this conversation," Olivia said firmly, "and I'd better get home to Noah."

"Oh right," Tucker slurred as if only now remembering she had a son. "Is he feeling better these days?"

Olivia stood up, holding on to the bar to support herself when she swayed a little on her feet.

"Yes, much," she said, avoiding eye contact with the Lieutenant when he stood up as well and grabbed her arm.

"Here, let me help you," he said but she had to wonder if he wasn't holding on to her for his own support as much as hers.

"That won't be necessary," she insisted, and Tucker released her arm. "I'll just get a cab. Thanks for the drinks."

She flashed him a wide smile and could swear his eyes dropped to her lips for a moment. Time to go. Definitely time to go.

"Goodnight, Sergeant," Tucker said as she turned around to leave.

She waved while moving towards the door and shook her head. Tucker, flirting. Seriously? Nah. Must have been the alcohol talking.

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _Reviews of this story would be appreciated. All writers thrive on feedback ..._


	3. March - May, 2015

_Thank you for all the reviews. To the guest reviewer who thought it was strange that Tucker was so indifferent towards Olivia on the show (in the scene where she showed him the footage of Nick): I don't know when you started watching the show but in my opinion, Tucker was indifferent **at best** with her and other squad members before, and usually just plain hostile or even demeaning. She even confirmed that there was bad blood between them just a few episodes earlier. This is why the pairing was very difficult to accept for many people, without so much as a discussion between the two about their past. The air was never cleared on screen. I am trying to right that in this story because I am not against it. I just wish the writers had done it themselves.  
Anyway, on with the story now!  
_

-SVU-

* * *

 **Chapter 3: March - May, 2015**

-SVU-

 **March, 2015**

 _ **December Solstice/ Parole Violations**_ – _Melinda Warner has come to see Olivia and has told her Johnny Drake is Noah's biological father. Barba tells her Johnny will never need to know and that it is not within the purview of his case. Olivia is still very worried about it and it is on her mind while she is confronted with several cases about family._

-SVU-

It had been a strange case, all revolving around family and Olivia had had a hard time focusing on it. An elderly man, his sixth, much younger wife and two disgruntled daughters from earlier marriages, all running around accusing each other of treating their father slash husband poorly. And now there was something going on in Carisi's family, with a brother-in-law and his parole officer. It made Olivia think about family in general, just like during Nick's father's case. Family ties were unbelievably complex and never severed completely, no matter how hard people tried sometimes. She worried about Johnny D. finding out he had a son. _Her_ son. Noah. So far, only she, Melinda and Barba knew about it. Keeping the secret was killing her and she slept even less than before. Thank God Carisi was catching on and Amaro was back in full swing, or she didn't know how to keep things running at work.

On a rare Saturday off, Olivia decided to go to the park with Noah to find some other children for him to play with. He would be going to daycare in two months and she wanted him to get used to interacting with other children.

They ended up at the playground at Clinton Park, where more children Noah's age were playing despite the cold weather, and Olivia sat down on a nearby bench next to one of the other mothers. They kept an eye on their boys and Olivia tried to relax. Here, she was just another mother with her child. She tried not to think about the criminal that had fathered her little boy. She fished her phone out of her bag when it started ringing and answered it with her standard 'Benson' when she didn't recognize the caller's number.

"Sergeant, sorry to bother you on the weekend."

"Lieutenant Tucker. I'm not on call, so if this is about a case …"

"No no," Tucker interrupted her right away. "Actually ehm … it's about something of a more ehm … personal nature."

Personal? Was this becoming a habit?

"Personal huh? I'm intrigued," she answered.

She heard some wailing in the background and wondered where the Lieutenant was.

"My sister dropped her granddaughter off with me because she had an emergency at work and ehm … to be honest with you, I'm running out of ideas to keep the kid busy."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but no words came to mind and she breathed out sharply.

"Really?" she said then, turning away from the woman next to her on the bench while keeping an eye on Noah. "And you're calling _me_ for that?"

"Alright. I know it's pathetic but I couldn't think of anyone else. You have a kid about her age so I thought …"

Olivia shook her head and sighed. The man just kept surprising her lately. That he didn't exactly have a way with kids was no surprise though, and she decided to extend an olive branch.

"Where are you?" she asked him. "I'm at the Erie Canal playground in Clinton Park with Noah. You could meet us here. There are a lot of young children here. I'm sure your niece would have fun."

She didn't even know if a sister's granddaughter was called a niece but Tucker didn't correct her and just thanked her, letting her know they were on their way.

Olivia smiled after ending the call and shook her head again. Who in their right mind would drop a toddler off with Tucker? Well, his sister obviously. She was suddenly curious to learn more about this sister, and the rest of his family. They had all known him before he became this stoic scourge of the NYPD. They had known him as a young boy. She grinned at the thought. She was quite sure Tucker had never been a young boy. He'd been born old and wrinkly.

She could see the sheer relief on his face when he found her, pushing a stroller with his very impatient niece squirming in it. Olivia jumped up and walked over to the little girl, that was getting red in the face.

"Hey sweetie," she said gently, crouching in front of her. "Now why don't you sit still for a second, so I can get you out of this, okay?"

The two-year old fixed her gaze on Olivia, stunned for a moment that this stranger was reaching for the straps of her stroller, but started squirming again when she seemed to realize she was going to be released. Tucker dropped to one knee beside Olivia to try and reason with the child.

"Emma, listen. This is Olivia and she's trying to get you out, okay? Now just sit still."

It wasn't helping at all but Olivia managed to get all the clasps undone before Emma got tangled up in them, trying to turn her little body over on her stomach in the stroller.

"There you go," Olivia said, and Tucker quickly scooped up the little girl before she could drop to the ground.

Emma immediately started kicking her little legs again and Tucker set her down. She took off instantly and he dashed after her. Olivia decided to let him deal with the child and moved the stroller to the bench where she'd been sitting. The woman next to her smiled and she smiled back.

"So nice of your friend to join you," the woman remarked, and Olivia simply agreed. She wasn't going to explain who the new visitors to the playground were. It was weird enough as it was.

After Tucker had made sure that Emma was playing nicely with the other children, he walked up to her, an apologetic smile on his face. The other mother immediately made room for him on the bench, and Tucker had no choice but to sit down between them.

He was wearing jeans and what appeared to be a warm sweater underneath his brown winter coat, and Olivia realized she'd never seen him in anything other than formal suits. He looked more human this way. More relaxed.

They watched the children play for a while and Tucker explained that Emma's temper was a family trait. His sister's daughter and son-in-law had their hands full with the girl.

"I doubt they're having another one any time soon," he sighed. "Even my sister thinks they won't. Emma is even more stubborn than her mother."

They talked about his family some more, and Tucker didn't seem bothered with her questions. He had two older sisters, twins, who were five years older than he was. They were both married and had kids. He had one younger brother, who was born eight years after him, and was now divorced, and had no children. Emma was the first grandchild to be welcomed into the family.

"So for a while, you were the baby of the family," Olivia mused and she looked at the man next to her when she heard him chuckle.

"Hard to imagine huh?" he asked.

The other woman was leaving, and Tucker created a little more distance between them on the bench. He put his arm on the backrest of the bench and turned towards her slightly.

It was indeed hard to imagine Ed Tucker as the baby brother of two girls who had no doubt fawned over him to no end.

"Well, I wasn't a baby for long. My father taught me early on to toughen up. Be a man, Ed," he added, clearly imitating his father. "Don't be a cry baby. They'll walk all over you."

Olivia tilted her head and just watched him. His eyes were restless at the memory of his father but when they landed on the children, he breathed out and relaxed a little again.

"Don't tell Noah to be a man just yet, okay?" he said quietly. "Let him be a baby for a while longer."

There was a world of hurt behind his words and without planning or even wanting to, Olivia found herself understanding him more and more.

After about an hour, Tucker's sister called and he had to go. He thanked her again for saving his life, as he put it, and Olivia laughed.

"No problem. Emma and Noah had a blast, so thank you too, for joining us."

-SVU-

* * *

 **May, 2015**

 _ **Parent's Nightmare / Surrender Noah**_ _\- pressure from One Police Plaza for a higher-ranking commanding officer at SVU leads Benson to consider taking the Lieutenant's exam. Meanwhile, Johnny D's trial is starting._

-SVU-

Noah's first day in day care. Olivia had barely slept and it had broken her heart when Noah had started crying when she left. Fin gave her a heads up that Tucker was waiting for her in her office when she arrived at work. He was checking his phone when she walked in.

 **"Tucker,"** Olivia said by way of greeting while rounding her desk. **"To what do I owe the pleasure?"**

 **"What, I can't just pop in?"** he asked, and Olivia smirked.

 **"No,"** she said definitively, dropping a stack of files on her desk. **"What's going on?"**

She walked over to the rack to hang up her coat while Tucker stood up and explained why he'd come to see her.

 **"Well, I was sniffing around 1PP this morning, and the scuttlebutt is they want a Lieutenant in here. They're not happy with a sergeant running the squad."**

Olivia closed the door to her office.

 **"Last I checked, I was doing a pretty good job,"** she told the Lieutenant. **"We busted Johnny D's sex trafficking ring. We took down Yates after Chicago botched it."**

 **"And they've noticed. They're open to the prospect of you staying on. That's why I told them you already filed for the Lieutenant's exam."**

He what?

 **"I haven't."**

 **"Then do it. Don't make a liar out of me."**

Olivia walked back around her desk.

 **"I'm quite happy with the way things are, thank you,"** she told him.

 **"They want a Lieutenant. If it's not you, it's gonna be somebody else,"** Tucker replied sternly.

Olivia sighed.

 **"I don't know what to say."**

 **"That's a first,"** Tucker quipped.

Cute. Very cute.

 **"Think about it,"** he insisted, and she could swear he'd just winked at her.

 **"Also think about who your second whip would be,"** Tucker added while walking to the door. **"Better you pick than a blind draw."**

He left her to think about it and Olivia sat down hard in her chair. The Lieutenant's exam?

-SVU-

Fin was not interested in becoming Sergeant. He was her number two for all intents and purposes but just didn't want the headaches that came with the promotion. She couldn't really blame him. Besides, she had bigger things to worry about right now. Johnny D's trial was starting and at the same time, she was going through the process of finally adopting Noah.

Against Barba's advice not to do it, she had decided to list Johnny Drake as Noah's birth father on the adoption papers anyway. She didn't want her life with Noah to be built on a lie. Barba assured her that family court was a different universe, and Johnny D. would never know.

And then Johnny D's lawyer found out anyway. Anything that can go wrong … Olivia decided to stay ahead of things and called Tucker, asking him to meet her at a bar near One PP.

 **"Olivia."**

She put away her phone when she heard Tucker say her name, and turned around to face him.

 **"Hey. Thank you for meeting me here."**

Tucker stood next to her at the bar and asked her,

 **"Your squad know about the situation?"**

 **"They do now."**

She'd had no choice but to tell them. The cat was out of the bag and there was no going back.

 **"Listen, just to be clear, I did not know that Johnny D. was Noah's biological parent until after the arrest,"** Olivia told Tucker.

 **"All right. The M.E. confirms, we don't have a problem with it,"** Tucker assured her. **"I mean, you probably should have kept it to yourself. This scumbag will use any leverage he has."**

Olivia closed her eyes briefly. She knew that now.

 **"But either way, as far as IAB is concerned, you have absolutely no liability."**

 **"Thank you,"** Olivia sighed.

Tucker glanced at her drink.

 **"Is that tea?"** he asked and Olivia confirmed that it was.

 **"Man up, will you?"** Tucker said with a smirk, and she finally smiled.

 **"Fine."**

He sat down beside her and said, a little surprised,

 **"That was easy."**

It was. Much to her own surprise, having a quiet moment in the company of the Lieutenant was actually becoming easy. She ordered two glasses of wine, and while Tucker was there, Olivia decided to tell him about Nick's application for the Sergeant's exam.

 **"You told me to think about my number two,"** she reminded him, **"and I think he'll do very well on the test."**

Tucker thought about it for a moment and then told her honestly that it wouldn't matter if Nick got a perfect score on the test, because he was damaged goods. Technically, he'd been exonerated in all the cases where charges were filed against him, but Tucker told her,

 **"Realistically, the way One PP sees it, Amaro could cure cancer. They're still not gonna promote him."**

Olivia sighed. This wasn't what she wanted to hear but at least Tucker was being straight with her.

 **"Listen, I know you like the guy, but this is never going to happen,"** He stressed.

 **"Got it."**

Olivia grabbed her glass of wine and put it to her lips. She needed it right now.

-SVU-

To make matters worse, Johnny D's attorney wanted to plead his client out in exchange for his parental rights to Noah. Olivia was adamant that he was not going to get to plead down so her life would be less complicated, and she flat-out refused the offer Barba was contemplating.

During the trial, one of their witnesses was killed and then another one changed her story. Things were not looking good and Johnny put in an emergency appeal to have his parental rights reinstated. Olivia was reeling and was pacing in her apartment after putting Noah to bed as normally and quietly as she could manage. She was just so angry. Everything was spinning out of control. First, lying had gotten her into trouble, and now telling the truth had landed her in a huge mess.

She grabbed her phone, realizing that she hadn't used her #1 on speed dial in years. Who was she going to yell at now to get some of the stress out of her system? One name came to mind but she tried to dismiss it. He did say she could yell at him anytime though. Olivia flopped down on the couch. She was _not_ calling Ed Tucker. Thinking about how their rapport had changed over the past year provided a brief distraction from her worries about Noah and his biological father. They were prepping all the other girls now, encouraging to stand up to Johnny D. so he would never be able to hurt them or anyone else again. They could do this. She got up and walked into Noah's room once more. Her son was sleeping peacefully, completely unaware of what was going on around him, and how much of it was about him. She would do anything to be able to keep him, but she was not going to let Johnny D. walk. One day at a time, she reminded herself, and she breathed in and out slowly while watching Noah sleep.

-SVU-

Johnny D. was dead. Nick had shot him during a shooting at the courthouse, and was now in surgery himself. Olivia and Carisi had just joined Amanda at the hospital and they were waiting to hear from his doctors. Dozens of cops and courthouse personnel were waiting for news and Tucker walked towards them. Olivia felt a surge of relief course through her when she saw him.

 **"Amaro's okay?"** he inquired, walking up to her.

 **"Considering."**

 **"Johnny D?"**

 **"He's dead. The court officer, too. A judge and another CO got hit."**

 **"What was he thinking?"** Amanda asked. **"Grabbing a gun, shooting a judge? No way he was getting out of that building alive."**

 **"That's exactly what he was thinking,"** Tucker said while Amanda walked off to see if there was any news on Nick's condition.

Olivia nodded. Tucker was probably right. She looked up at him when she felt his hand wrap around her waist.

"Are you okay?" he asked her softly and Olivia hung her head.

She wasn't. Not really. She wouldn't mourn the death of Johnny D. but it was all just a bit much and she needed some time to deal with the events of the past few days. And they were still waiting to hear from Nick's doctor.

"Come on," Tucker said, moving his hand up to her back and nudging her in the direction of a few plastic chairs gently. "Here, take a seat. Can I get you anything?"

Olivia was done dissecting the way the Lieutenant was acting towards her lately and just shook her head, leaning into him slightly.

"Come. Sit," Tucker said again, and she finally complied.

He sat down next to her and retracted his hand, moving his arm around the back of her chair instead. Olivia leaned back in the hard, uncomfortable seat and closed her eyes. She just needed a minute to breathe.

"Just relax," she heard the man next to her say, and she felt his shoulder brush against hers.

For the first time in a very long time, she didn't feel like she was completely alone.

-SVU-

To be continued.


	4. July, 2015

**Chapter 4: July, 2015**

-SVU-

 **July, 2015**

 _ **No episode**_ – _Nick has left the squad and has moved to California. Olivia has taken the Lieutenant's exam and is enjoying a few days off with her son, who she has now officially adopted, when she is invited to a 4_ _th_ _of July party._

-SVU-

Olivia squinted slightly at the man at her door.

"Me?"

He shrugged.

"Why not?"

She opened the door a little wider to let him in. Noah was sitting in the middle of the room, surrounded by his toys, and hardly acknowledged his presence. Olivia closed the door and walked over to her son, sitting down on her knees beside him.

"Noah, can you say hi? This is Ed."

She figured it was an easy name to pronounce for her son. Also, she wanted to avoid any uncomfortable mistakes in pronouncing the man's last name. Noah was three months away from his second birthday and had learned a lot of new words over the past few months. He looked up at the man standing in their living room and then looked at his mother.

"Can you say 'hi Ed'?"

"Hi," Noah said softly and Olivia's heart soared with pride. They'd get to the 'Ed' part later.

Ed Tucker was keeping his distance and she tried to hide her smile. He really was a little awkward around young children. Noah continued playing quietly after deciding 'Ed' wasn't a threat to his toy collection, and Olivia stood up again.

"So what does this party entail?" she asked the IAB Lieutenant.

"Well, it's a private party and I was told to bring a plus one. Just the usual food and drink and dance type of thing, and watching the fireworks on the roof of course."

"You were _told_ to bring a plus one."

"Eh." Ed shrugged. "By my sister."

His sister. He was actually inviting her to a private _family_ party? Ed must have read the expression on her face because he was quick to clarify,

"It's a work thing. She's the managing director of an advertising company in downtown Manhattan, and ever since our mother died, she invites me, my brother and my other sister to their company party on the 4th of July."

Okay. So it wasn't a family party. But in a way it was, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. She decided a little more probing into his intentions couldn't hurt.

"And how were you planning to introduce me? This is Olivia, and by the way, I arrested her once for a murder she didn't commit, and have been after her badge for years?"

Ed was slightly taken aback by her words, but Olivia felt that this was a conversation that was long overdue. There wasn't nearly as much tension between them as there had been in the past, but some things just couldn't be left unsaid. And since he was here, they might as well do this now.

"Have a seat," Olivia said, before Ed could react one way the other. She gestured at the stools at her breakfast bar while she walked around it into the kitchen area.

Ed complied and sat down, his back turned to Noah. This way, Olivia could keep an eye on her son while talking to him. Olivia busied herself with making them both a cup of coffee while she waited for the Lieutenant to speak.

"It was never personal, you know."

That was the best he could come up with? Olivia cocked an eyebrow and looked at him.

"That's it?"

"No."

Ed shook his head and clasped his hands together in front of him on the breakfast bar. He took a deep breath and Olivia was genuinely curious what he was going to say. It was clear to her that he kind of liked her now, but she had to wonder about their rocky history on the job. She wasn't just going to forget about that, and although the few peeks into his personal life had helped her understand him a little better, she wanted to hear him explain this to her in his own words. He owed her that much after all the crap he'd put her and her partners through over the years.

"I never got to choose who I got to look into."

Olivia folded her arms in front of her and waited. Ed glanced at her and shifted on the stool before continuing.

"But I will admit I usually considered everyone guilty until proven innocent. I may have thought that was what the job entailed, but it had to do with me as well. I realize that now."

"You realize that now?" Olivia asked. "Why now?"

Ed wiped the corners of his mouth with one hand, and she followed his hand with her eyes when he put it over his other hand on the bar again. She noticed for the first time that he had big hands. Well kept too, and tanned. Her eyes quickly flicked back up to his when Ed cleared his throat.

"Maybe … maybe talking to you about … stuff, you know, in my past. It's helping me put things into perspective. And to see that my approach may have been … unfair."

He was stammering a bit and she realized how much she herself had already benefited from therapy over the past two years. Putting personal things into words was never easy the first time, and it took practice. She felt somewhat honored that Ed Tucker of IAB apparently felt comfortable enough with her to open up for the first time, even if it was just a little. But this wasn't enough for her to just forgive and forget.

"So when you arrested me in my own squad room and had me locked up in prison, knowing that I'd been undercover in prison before and could be recognized by the CO's at any time and suffer the consequences of putting away one of their own, you were just doing your job?"

Ed sighed and sat up straight, looking at something behind her at first. But then his pale blue eyes met hers and he said earnestly,

"At the time, I honestly thought I was."

"So you thought I was guilty."

"Yes."

Olivia needed a moment to digest what that meant. He had thought she was a murderer? Before she could respond, Ed added,

"The evidence was there and I thought you were capable of killing a man in self-defense or defending someone else. I think you're still capable of that."

He glanced at Noah over his shoulder and she knew he was right. But that case had been about a premeditated murder.

"I also thought you were capable of killing a man twice your size because you might feel threatened by him, since you were apparently in therapy for a while for something you hadn't officially reported."

"You thought you knew me so well," Olivia said bitterly.

Their coffee was ready and she put a cup in front of him, making it connect with the breakfast bar a little harder than necessary. Ed blinked twice – something she'd never seen him do – and wrapped his hands around the coffee cup.

"I was wrong," he said simply, and she could hear the regret in his voice. "I was wrong about a lot of things, and I'm sorry."

"You were wrong about Elliot too," Olivia said. "Lots of times."

"Stabler …" Ed huffed. "He just … he managed to push my buttons, each and every time."

"I assure you, the feeling was mutual," Olivia said with a smirk. "Doesn't that make it personal after all?"

She picked up her own coffee and took a sip, waiting for Ed to say something. He was thinking it over, looking away from her, and admitted after a while,

"I guess part of it was."

"And as his partner, I was tainted in the process."

Ed just nodded.

"Great," Olivia sighed. "Caught in the middle between two hotheads."

"Maybe that was the problem," Ed said quietly, meeting her eyes again.

She set her cup down and looked at the man sitting in front of her.

"What was the problem?"

"Stabler and me," Ed said. "We pushed each other's' buttons because we're so alike."

Her first reaction was to dismiss Ed's attempt at an analysis as nonsense. He and Elliot were nothing alike. Not at all. Were they?

She looked at the Lieutenant over her coffee while she sipped it, and thought about it some more. Both men were goal-oriented. Hotheads. Brooding. Intense. She could see them pushing each other's buttons. Hell, they had both pushed _her_ buttons, too. But Elliot had been much more focused on other people's needs whereas Ed had always struck her as detached. Uncaring. Never willing to bend the rules, where Elliot would if it meant helping a victim.

"He cared," she finally said. "And he wasn't afraid to show it."

Ed nodded and focused on the remaining coffee in his cup. Olivia had not been prepared for the admission he made when he spoke again.

"Maybe I envied him for that."

Her stomach clenched. It was quite a confession from the stoic IAB agent and she didn't know what to say. He'd been jealous of Elliot? As if on cue, Noah rescued them both from the uncomfortable moment when he started to wail for no apparent reason. Olivia was by his side in seconds, kneeling next to him and looking him over.

"What is it sweetie?" she asked him. "Tell mommy what's wrong."

Noah cried even harder and Olivia couldn't pinpoint the cause, until she noticed that one of his little fingers had an unnatural dent in it. It must have been caught between something, like the door of his toy truck. She picked him up quickly and took him into the kitchen, where Ed was already turning on the faucet. He helped her hold Noah's finger under the cold water for a few minutes, until he finally stopped crying, and tried to climb on the kitchen counter instead. Both adults laughed, and once Noah was safely back on the ground, they flopped on the couch next to each other to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself again.

Olivia agreed to go to the party with Ed, and they didn't finish their earlier talk. It was enough for now, Olivia decided, but it stayed on her mind for quite a while after Ed had left. She really had been caught in the middle. Ed had alluded to their partnership before in the past. When a cop went bad, the partner was usually in on it, so his dislike for Elliot had automatically transferred to her, too. Only he didn't really dislike her at all, from the looks of it. Not now, anyway. He and Elliot had been alike in some ways, but not completely.  
Had Ed envied Elliot for caring, or for not being afraid to show it? Olivia guessed the latter. In fact, she knew it was the latter. Maybe he really was getting soft in his old age. When she went to bed that night, she couldn't help wondering if he was going to practice showing that he cared, and if so, who he would practice on. She tossed and turned for quite a while, realizing she probably already knew the answer.

-SVU-

* * *

Ed picked her up at 6 PM sharp on the fourth. She had taken her time getting ready, trying on different dresses. She was still a little self-conscious about the scars on her chest, although the cigarette burns had faded considerably over time, and the rest was always hidden beneath her clothes. She had finally settled on a light blue satin dress with short sleeves and just a hint of cleavage. The skirt flowed freely from the waist down and ended about an inch below the knee, and she'd dug up a pair of high heels in the same color as the dress. She wondered if this party could be considered as an actual date, and swallowed hard at the thought. A date with Tucker. No. No! It wasn't a date. It was just a party.

Ed took in her appearance quickly when she opened the door, and he seemed to approve. She was never quite sure what he was thinking, because his face hardly showed any emotion or reaction, ever. He looked like he always did, wearing a black suit and white dress shirt, but she noticed immediately that he wasn't wearing a tie. The top buttons of his shirt were undone and she had to admit she liked this look. It was a lot less formal without the tie. He smelled nice too. She said goodbye to Noah and Lucy quickly. Lucy had asked if she could have a friend over so she wouldn't be alone after Noah had gone to bed, and Olivia had agreed. It made her feel a little less guilty for asking Lucy to babysit on the 4th of July. She did wonder if it was a male or a female friend, but had decided not to ask.

Ten minutes later they were in the cab on their way to the party. Ed told her it was on the top floor of a pretty high building, so they would have a nice view of the fireworks at nine. He was quiet after that and so was she. They both weren't good at small talk and if Olivia was completely honest with herself, she had to admit she was a little nervous about meeting Ed's brother and sisters. She tried to shake it off, telling herself that she wasn't looking for their approval, but the notion that she was going to be appraised as Ed's plus one didn't leave her completely.

The spacious office, with windows on three sides, had been transformed into an impressive dining room with long tables, already set for the 50 or so guests. The lights were dimmed and there was soft classical music playing in the background, but Olivia also spotted a few instruments in a corner so she guessed there would be live music later on.

First, she needed to get through the inevitable introductions. She stayed close to Ed and he put a hand on her back when they reached his two sisters, who were identical twins but dressed very differently.

Emma, little Emma's grandmother, was the hostess and she was dressed formally in a white blouse, black skirt and black blazer. She was very much Ed Tucker's sister, Olivia thought, except for her skin. Her face was smooth and she didn't look older than her brother at all. Her long greying hair was pinned up elegantly. Emma greeted her brother enthusiastically, giving him a crushing hug. She then turned her attention to Olivia and smiled widely.

"And who is this lovely woman, Edward? Surely, _she_ doesn't work in law enforcement. I think you walked right out of an advertising campaign for health food or something along those lines."

Olivia smiled, accepting the compliment, but before she could say anything, Ed introduced her to his sister.

"This is Sergeant Olivia Benson, acting commander of Manhattan's Special Victims Unit."

"Oh my," Emma said, trying to look shocked, but Olivia could see her pale blue eyes twinkling. "Strength and beauty all rolled into one. I hope my brother can keep up with you, Olivia. It's so nice to meet you."

Emma was assuming that she and Ed were dating and she could see him shifting uncomfortably next to her. Olivia decided not to add to his discomfort and just told Emma it was nice to meet her too.

Next up was Emma's twin sister, who wore her shoulder length hair down and was dressed much less formally. She wore a modern red dress and sparkling jewelry. Even her red sandals sparkled. She greeted them as warmly as her sister had and Ed relaxed next to her when Olivia just played the part of his date and let Eileen drag her off to meet her husband.

A while later she had been introduced to both husbands and a few board members of the company, and they all took their seats at the dinner table. Just when Emma wanted to announce the beginning of the meal, one last guest came running in. It was a man in his early forties in a tuxedo, who waved at Emma while finding his seat quickly.

"Eric, so nice of you to join us as well," Emma's voice boomed. "My little brother, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure you remember him from last year."

Several guests chuckled and Olivia looked at the man, who seemed to be the exact opposite of his older brother. He had brown hair, not a hint of grey or baldness yet, and looked much younger than he was. Eric was bustling with energy and was smiling the whole time, completely unbothered by any kind of protocol. Olivia glanced at Ed next to her, and she could see a scowl on his face. She had expected that. Ed had been told to be a man from an early age, but his much younger brother, who had no doubt been a surprise to his parents, had been the baby of the family a lot longer.

Conversation flowed easily during dinner and Olivia was glad she wasn't just surrounded by members of Ed's family. She learned a lot about what goes on behind the scenes of a big advertising campaign and about media techniques, and enjoyed the delicious food on top of that. After dinner, the room was cleared out quickly. All the tables were lined up along the walls and a jazz quartet started playing the instruments Olivia had spotted earlier. A few couples started dancing to the music right away.

They still had about twenty minutes before the fireworks over the Hudson would start, and they had a drink while chatting with Eileen and her husband. Eric joined them and stood between her and Ed, saying he just had to know the name of the most beautiful woman in the room.

"Eric!" Eileen warned him, but the younger man paid no attention to his sister. He made a bow and then took Olivia's hand.

"My name is Eric Tucker, fair lady. Please tell me your name."

Olivia couldn't help smiling and told him her name was Olivia.

"Beautiful. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Please Olivia, dance with me."

Olivia glanced at Ed then. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable but she could see his jaw tense. A lot like Elliot indeed … She didn't know if Eric was taunting his older brother on purpose or not, but when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her with him to an open space on the dance floor, she let him. She was very much aware of Ed's glares while she danced with Eric for a few minutes but it all happened so fast and she'd been whisked away before she realized it. And she couldn't very well push him away without drawing unwanted attention to herself.

Eric wasn't shy at all. He held her close while they danced, and she had to admit he was a good dancer. After the song had ended, Olivia wanted to return to the group she and Ed had been talking to, but Eric held on to her and brushed his cheek against hers when he whispered in her ear,

"Hey, are you really here with Eddy? I'm a lot more fun you know."

Olivia created a little more distance between their faces and raised an eyebrow when she looked at him. She didn't want to make a scene but she was fairly certain Ed wouldn't like it if she spent the entire evening with his much younger, much more laid-back brother.

"I'm going to take a break and finish my drink before the fireworks, okay Eric?" she said decisively.

Eric shrugged and flashed her a bright smile.

"Your loss, Olivia."

She saw Ed exhale slowly when she approached him, and was surprised at herself that she wanted to reassure him that she wasn't interested in Eric. Why would she want to reassure him? This wasn't a real date, was it? They finished their drinks and Olivia noticed that Ed stayed close to her when they all moved up to the roof. Eric waved at her from a distance and she smiled at him. She felt Ed's hand on her back immediately and bit her lip. This was beginning to feel more and more like a real date.

"Eric never brings a plus one," she heard Ed say close to her ear. "He always hopes to leave with one, though."

Olivia had gathered as much. The brothers couldn't have been more different. They enjoyed the fireworks and Olivia was very much aware of how close Ed was standing behind her. It wasn't uncomfortable though. Not at all.

-SVU-

When everyone returned inside, Ed got them both another drink and they watched the other people dance for a while. She wondered if Ed danced at all. Before she could ask him, or even decide if she'd want to dance with him, Eric was back.

"Beautiful Olivia, they're playing our song," he blurted out, completely ignoring his brother.

When she hesitated, the younger man finally looked at the older man.

"I'm sure Eddy here doesn't mind. Do you, old man?"

Olivia turned away from both men to put her glass on one of the tables. Eric grinned, no doubt expecting her to come with him, but she turned towards Ed in stead, moving close to him and slipping her left hand in his right hand.

"You must be mistaken Eric," she told the younger brother while looking at the older one. "This is _our_ song."

Ed's eyes lit up and she smiled at him. He squeezed her hand and she knew she'd made the right decision. He led her to the dance floor, ignoring Eric, and wrapped his left arm around her waist.

Although Ed was a much quieter man than his brother, he _was_ a good dancer as well. It took Olivia a while to relax, still wondering how she had ended up on a sort-of date with Ed Tucker of all people, but after a while, they were moving fluently together.

They didn't mention Eric again. In fact, they didn't speak at all, but the look in his eyes told her, Ed was grateful. His brother had tried to humiliate him and Olivia had stopped him gracefully. She was _his_ plus one tonight, and regardless of how this new friendship-like thing between them would develop, while they would still have their run-ins at work, they were a team tonight. And it felt good.

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _Feedback is always appreciated._


	5. August - September, 2015

**Chapter 5: August - September, 2015**

-SVU-

 **August, 2015**

 _ **Community Policing**_ _\- While in pursuit of an SVU rape suspect, detectives from the 27th precinct shoot and kill an unarmed black man. Internal Affairs investigates the shooting, but under intense pressure from the Mayor and the DA, Barba takes the case to a grand jury to indict the cops. While Benson believes the detectives were following procedure, Barba disagrees, creating a tense divide between the newly-minted Lieutenant and the ADA._

-SVU-

Olivia was just getting off the phone with Carisi when Ed Tucker walked into the hospital.

 **"Tucker. What, do you sleep with a radio under your pillow?"** Olivia asked him, wondering how he'd gotten there so fast in the middle of the night.

 **"I don't need one. Police shoot another young black man, word travels. Is that them?"** he asked, pointing at the three officers standing to the side.

 **"Yes. Everything's being taken care of,"** the Captain of the 27th answered, walking up to them.

 **"All right. I understand they have 48 hours to talk to IAB and give their statements, but if they take all 48, your precinct's gonna be on fire,"** Tucker told the Captain, who said he'd talk to them.

 **"Not without me, you won't,"** a woman said, joining their little group.

 **"Ms. Denzler,"** Ed greeted her while typing on his phone. **"Detective's Endowment moving quickly also, huh?"**

He put the phone to his ear while the woman fired back,

 **"If you're here, Tucker, I'm here."**

 **"Easy, guys, we're all on the same team, right?"** Olivia said, not wanting them to get into an argument.

They _were_ all on the same side, right? Ed was being his all business self again, and while she thought she was used to that by now, Olivia knew she was looking at him differently these days. She could only hope that, while being thorough, he would try to be fair and not presume the officers were guilty until proven innocent, as he'd put it. If he really wanted to change, now would be a good time to show it.

Media pressure would be a bitch again though, and when the DNA results came back the next day, Olivia knew things were only going to get worse. The boy that had been shot, and had died from his injuries, was not their rapist. She decided to go over to IAB personally to tell Ed, whom she knew was still interrogating the officers.

 **"Showing up in person. Bad news?"** Ed asked when he joined her outside the conference room.

 **"I didn't want to put it in writing,"** Olivia sighed.

 **"Bad ID on the first vic?"** Ed guessed.

 **"It's worse. The DNA came back. The two push-ins are a match, but our perp ... whoever he is ... isn't Terrence Reynolds."**

Ed looked at the people in the conference room through the glass, and she could tell he got the message.

 **"So our rapist is still out there,"** she continued, seeing the shock register on his face, **"and more to the point ..."**

 **"These three officers killed an innocent man,"** Tucker finished for her.

"Yeah."

Olivia knew Ed's job had just gotten a hell of a lot more difficult and she wished she could do something to help. But she needed to get back to finding the real rapist. She started turning to leave when Ed leaned against the glass with his arm and hung his head.

"Those parents ..." she heard him sigh, and although his face wasn't really showing it, Olivia could feel the emotion behind his words.

She moved closer to him and put a hand on his back. She didn't know what to say. How could they get justice for Terrence Reynolds and his family in this situation? Tucker stood up straight and she retracted her hand. He gave her a sad smile and took a deep breath.

"Sometimes this job really sucks," he said, and Olivia nodded.

"Yeah. It does."

-SVU-

Reverend Curtis was on a roll as usual and Barba was under pressure to push for an indictment of the officers who had shot Terrence. But Olivia wanted them cleared. However tragic, she believed that the officers had followed procedure. IAB believed so too and put it in their report. And then a recording surfaced of the entire shooting, that actually made it look like a brutal assassination. Olivia maintained that, although it looked bad, the officers did what any cop would have done. Barba questioned her on that.

 **"Any cop?"** he asked her. **"Even you?"**

She knew that in a way, Barba was right. As soon as she'd have seen the suspects hands, she would have stopped firing. Maybe she would just have fired a warning shot. The officers shot at the boy 35 times, hitting him 9 times. But she couldn't let this mistake destroy the careers of three good officers, could she? Olivia was feeling the tension between her and Barba in her body. Her shoulders were tense and she was less patient with Noah that evening than she wanted to be. They were convening a Grand Jury and she would have to testify as well. After giving Noah his bath and tucking him in for the night, Olivia put on some quiet music and tried to relax, laying on the couch. She didn't want to turn on the television and risk seeing the footage again, or angry discussions about the case. Terrence had been gunned down like the criminal they had thought he was. Had it really been a good shoot?

After drinking two glasses of wine, she still couldn't relax, and grabbed her phone. There was a text from Amanda, letting her know she'd be in a little later the next day because of an appointment with her gynecologist. She texted back that it was fine and closed her eyes for a minute. She'd been having a faint headache all day and the wine wasn't really helping. She looked at her phone again and thumbed through her contacts. She'd really like to yell at someone right now. She smiled to herself and before she could change her mind, she hit the call button on the number that was on her screen.

"Tucker."

"Benson."

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Nervous about the Grand Jury on Friday?"

"Yeah."

She was relieved that Ed knew why she was calling.

"I saw the footage on TV," he offered and Olivia sighed.

"I _have_ to say it was a good shoot," she said.

"I know. I ... I get it, Olivia. The kid shouldn't have died and you feel for the parents."

Olivia dropped her head back on the armrest of the couch and closed her eyes. She wanted to cry for those parents.

"But I can't let them destroy three careers just as a peace offering to the protesters in the city."

"I know."

They were both silent for a few moments and then Ed asked her,

"I don't have any answers for you, but are you up for some company?"

Olivia's eyes flew open and she sat up straight. Company?

"You know, take your mind off things for a bit," Ed said.

"I ... Noah's asleep. I can't leave here."

"I can come over. If that's okay with you."

It was okay with her. This was a case they both agreed on and she had to admit that Ed was good company lately. After their unofficial date on the 4th of July, he had dropped her off at her front door as a complete gentleman. They hadn't brought the behavior of his brother up again, or her way of dealing with it, and he had just rubbed her upper arm when they said goodnight. They hadn't ran into each other again until this case, but the understanding that had been growing between them was still there. And so he came over, bringing a bottle of wine and a few snacks.

They talked about the case for a few minutes. Olivia explained that she hated feeling like she and Barba were opponents, but they were in this case.

"They're forcing him to push for an indictment, I know," Ed said. "He dropped by the office to discuss our report."

"He's fighting for justice for Terrence, which, in itself, is a good thing," Olivia said, frowning.

"But you can't do that with him in this case," Ed understood, "and that is not you."

Olivia gave the man next to her a half smile and picked up her glass. He did understand and she finally relaxed a little. She was curled up in one corner of her couch, her legs tucked underneath her, while Ed was sitting in the middle of the couch, facing the coffee table. He picked up his glass too and suggested they not talk about the case for a while. He'd come over to distract her, not to get her going all over again. Olivia smiled and they clunked their glasses together.

"Thanks for coming," she said softly.

"No problem."

She took in his appearance. He was wearing a grey polo shirt and faded jeans and she noticed his tan again. How did he get so tanned while being cooped up in his office all day long? She realized she knew nothing about how the Lieutenant spent his time off at all. Maybe he'd even been on vacation this summer.

Ed glanced at her and she looked away. He cleared his throat, and when she looked at him again, he was still looking at her. She cocked an eyebrow and he smiled at her. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. She held his gaze and it was almost like a contest. Who would look away first? He won. Damn him and his unblinking stare. Olivia sat up to grab a few potato chips, and Ed finished his glass of wine. He reached for the remote on the coffee table then, and Olivia finally broke the silence.

"I don't want to see anything about the case."

"Understood," Ed said as he switched on the television.

He punched in a number and a cartoon channel appeared on the screen. Olivia chuckled and Ed shrugged, glancing at her over his shoulder.

"Emma," he said by way of explanation.

"Does she spend a lot of time with you?" Olivia asked. She couldn't imagine him spending a lot of time with the feisty two-year old.

"Yeah," Ed said, nodding. "Linda needs a break every now and then and Emma has a demanding job. Emma senior, I mean."

"I got that," Olivia chuckled.

"So little Emma stays over from time to time, so her parents can have a little one-on-one time. But only when I'm off duty of course. I can't be called out in the middle of the night when I have her over."

He looked at her a little more attentively then.

"How do you do it, with Noah?"

Olivia sat up and swung her legs off the couch, scooting closer to him so she could set her wine glass down on the coffee table.

"I have the worlds greatest nanny. Lucy is a godsend and I'm sure I don't pay her enough. And my next-door neighbor is always willing to take my baby monitor until Lucy gets here. My neighbor is a regular night owl so I'm really blessed."

"Do you feel you see him enough?" Ed asked and Olivia bit her lip.

"At times I worry that I don't," she admitted. "But we try to make the most of our weekends. Now that's the upside of being a Lieutenant, right? I can come in late for work and take weekends off."

Ed leaned back and tilted his head when he looked at her.

"Yea, that would be a great upside, if you'd actually do it."

"I do!" Olivia insisted. "A lot more than I used to, anyway."

"Good. Good for you."

He changed channels on the television, switching from a cartoon to a sit-com, and they settled in to watch it together. All the tension finally left Olivia's body and she relaxed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd just enjoyed some mindless television with someone else like this. She was grateful that Ed was becoming a friend. Their talk, however short, about how they had interacted in the past, had helped her a little to put things into perspective. Knowing more about his life had helped a lot. While he wasn't inserting himself into her life actively, she knew he'd be there if and when she needed a friend. Like tonight. If she hadn't called him, he wouldn't have come over. He was being respectful without being submissive. She smiled inwardly. Submissive was something Ed Tucker would never be. Maybe he was more like her old partner than she'd realized after all.

-SVU-

Olivia had stood her ground during the Grand Jury hearing and she couldn't be around Barba right now. When the Grand Jury came back with an indictment against all three cops, she made sure she didn't cross paths with Barba for at least a week. When a rookie NYPD officer was shot and killed at point-blank range, they all realized that peace had not been restored to the city with the indictment of the officers. On top of that, their push-in rapist was still at large.

-SVU-

* * *

 **September, 2015**

 _ **No episode** \- Benson has been promoted to Lieutenant. Sergeant Mike Dodds becomes her number two and his father, Chief Dodds, keeps tabs on him and Benson._

-SVU-

SVU finally got reinforcements again when Sergeant Mike Dodds was appointed as Olivia's new number two. The Chief's son. He dove right into his very first case and Olivia knew he'd need some work, but he was good police. She managed to spend more time with Noah, and she and Ed got together with the kids again during a weekend when Emma was staying with him again. He was actually building a rapport with his little niece, who had developed respect for her stern but fair uncle Ed. They had decided to take a walk in Central Park and Noah and Emma were having fun trowing the beautiful autumn leaves in the air. Both Lieutenants kept a close eye on the children, standing on the grass with their strollers while talking quietly.

"So Dodds actually put his son in your unit."

"Yeah. I think he's okay though. Straightforward, willing to learn."

"That's good. Should take the pressure off for you a little."

Olivia smirked.

"You'd think so, huh?"

"Lieutenant Benson, don't tell me you have difficulty delegating," Ed exclaimed, clearly aware that leaving things to others wasn't her strong suit.

"Well ... you know ...," she started, but when she saw the grin on his face, she shoved him and muttered under her breath, "Asshole."

"Don't let the kids hear you say that," Ed said softly, moving a little closer to her.

The wind was picking up and Olivia was shivering a little. Ed noticed and put an arm around her loosely.

"Cold?" he asked.

"A little."

"Why don't we grab our munchkins and go get a cup of cocoa somewhere?"

"That sounds perfect," Olivia admitted, and the challenge of catching their 'munchkins' began.

As soon as Emma dodged Ed, Noah caught on and started running away from Olivia as well. They ran around for a while, the adults playing along with the kids and pretending that they couldn't keep up. They ended up in a pile, covered in leaves and laughing. The children were tired and finally surrendered, and Ed helped Olivia get up. She held her breath when he leaned close to her to pluck a stray leaf out of her hair, and bit her lip. Ed looked at her mouth and back up at her eyes, and seemed a little startled himself by their sudden proximity. He took a small step back and Olivia quickly busied herself with putting Noah in his stroller. Ed scooped up Emma and a little while later, they were all seated in a nearby diner for some hot cocoa.

Ed had ordered three hot and one cold cocoa and mixed the cold drink with one of the hot drinks for the children. Olivia watched him work and thought he was already less awkward with the kids when he handed both of them their own cup and helped Emma take a sip, while Olivia assisted Noah.

"You're becoming quite the expert, uncle Ed," Olivia commented, and Ed smirked at her.

"Practice makes perfect," he answered. "Only goes to show, we're never too old to learn new things."

She glanced at him and when their eyes locked, she knew he wasn't just talking about dealing with kids. He was learning other things as well, and it was interesting to watch. Talking about their past run-ins had helped Olivia leave some of her grudge against the man behind her. There was one thing still on her mind though, that she wanted to ask him about some time. She wasn't going to do it now, in front of the children, but she knew that she would have to address it, or it would continue to stand between them.  
She wondered why it bothered her a little that there was something still standing between them. She sipped her hot cocoa and tried to ignore the little voice in the back of her head, that said she knew exactly why that bothered her.

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _I know this is building slowly, but how could it not be with these two? Review?_


	6. December, 2015

_I hope this chapter will make sense to you all. It was the best I could do to clear the air between them completely._

-SVU-

* * *

 **December, 2015**

 _ **Catfishing Teacher**_ _\- A high school teacher has sex with two of her students. Another student, Zack Foster, receives text messages, supposedly from her, to meet her at a train station and bring his passport. However, she does not show up and Zack disappears. Meanwhile, Rollins adjusts to motherhood with her new daughter._

-SVU-

Teachers taking advantage of their students. It wasn't exactly something Olivia hadn't been aware of before, but for some reason, it was more disturbing to her now that she had a child of her own. Her stomach turned when she thought of the woman who seduced fifteen-year old boys and made them go down on her for better grades, and imagined that happening to Noah. She knew he would become sexually active at some point, but she wasn't ready to think about that at all. He was still so pure and innocent, and she wished he could stay like that forever. Once they confronted the 27-year old teacher with her illegal activities, she made a deal and implicated the wrestling coach. Great. Another authority figure abusing his authority. A missing student turned up drugged and abused in the company of the coach, who was arraigned on Christmas Eve. He was out on bail the same day, and the parents didn't want their son exposed to the media circus any longer. They wouldn't let him testify against the coach.

They needed another boy to testify so Olivia knew she would be working through the holidays. She had planned to have the night off and Lucy had already made plans with her family, so she really had a problem. Her elderly neighbor was a sweetheart but she couldn't expect the woman to take care of Noah on her own, and certainly not on Christmas Eve. She was at home, having relieved Lucy for the day, and she was rocking Noah in her lap, wondering what to do. She had to go out with Mike Dodds again to try and find another boy that had been molested by the coach. She couldn't very well bring Noah along at night. Bringing him into the office in the morning was one thing, but she wasn't going to drag him through the streets at night. Noah was babbling happily, completely unaware of his mother's problem.

"Emma," he said, and Olivia kissed the top of his head.

"Yeah, you like Emma, don't you Noah."

"Noah wike Emma," he confirmed, bobbing his head. "Noah pway wit Emma."

"Honey, I don't think Emma is with Ed tonight," she told her son. "She's with her mommy and daddy, so you can't play with her this time."

"Noah pway wit Emma," Noah tried again.

"I'm sorry Noah. You can't play with Emma now."

"Noah pway wit Ed?" he asked her then, sounding very hopeful.

Olivia sighed and kissed Noah's chubby cheek.

"Mommy call Ed?"

She sighed again. No way was she calling Ed. He probably wasn't home anyway. It was Christmas Eve, so why would he be home? Noah had grabbed her phone and was swiping on the screen.

"You wanna play a game on mommy's phone?" Olivia asked, trying to take the device from him to find a game for him.

"No!" Noah said, trying to keep the phone out of her reach. "Noah call Ed."

Olivia couldn't help smiling and held her son close, kissing his temple. Noah giggled and she let him have the phone.

"Hi Ed," he said and Olivia smiled again. He was the best at make-believe phone calls these days and they 'called' each other often. Noah on his toy phone and Olivia on her iPhone.

Noah giggled again and she looked at the phone in his hands. She bit her lip when she saw Ed's picture on her screen. He'd actually found him in her contacts list.

"Noah call Ed now."

"No ... no honey, don't do that. He's busy ... Noah!"

She wasn't sure if he'd pressed the call button or not because Noah actually started fighting her for the phone. He was squirming in her lap and tried to sit on the phone to hide it from her.

"Mommy no," he whined. "Noah call Ed."

When she finally managed to get the phone, she saw that Noah had indeed hit the call button. She held the phone to her ear and heard Ed's voice.

"Hello? Is that Noah?"

Olivia groaned.

"Ed, I'm so sorry. Noah took my phone and he decided to call you. I ... we didn't mean to disturb you."

"Hi Ed," Noah exclaimed happily, sitting up on his knees.

His little knees were digging into her thighs and it actually hurt, so she tried to move her son to the couch in stead. Noah didn't agree and kept reaching for the phone.

"Noah pway wit Ed mommy!"

Olivia heard Ed chuckle but she was not amused.

"Noah, stop it," she hissed, and Noah pouted, finally sitting still but his eyes still glued to her phone.

"Mommy tawk to Ed."

"Yeah mommy, talk to Ed," she heard Ed say and she sighed.

"I'm so sorry to bother you," she started and then reconsidered. She could really need some help right now, and since he was already on the phone ...

"Are you busy?" she asked him.

"Busy? No. Why?"

"You're not with your family tonight?"

"No. Emma and Henry are away with all of their offspring for two days. I'm having brunch with Eileen and Jack tomorrow so I'm not busy tonight. Why?"

Olivia blew out a breath slowly. Then she decided what the hell and explained her problem to him. She was going to be working all night and couldn't leave Noah alone.

"I'll probably be back before midnight. I'm definitely celebrating Christmas morning at home with Noah. I don't know who else to ask. Well, I wasn't going to ask you but ..."

"Since Noah decided to call me ..."

"Yeah."

"No problem. I'll be there in thirty."

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head. Ed had already ended the call. She really hadn't wanted to bother him but Noah really liked him, and she trusted Ed with her son. She trusted him with ... She trusted him? Well, that was new. She didn't trust a lot of people to look after her little ray of sunshine, and a year ago, Ed Tucker wouldn't even have been on her list if he was the last person on earth.

"Ed come to pway wit Noah?" she heard her little boy ask hopefully, and she smiled.

"Yes. Ed is coming to play with you."

"Yey!"

Noah immediately hopped off the couch and ran to his room to get his toy cars, babbling about how he had called Ed and now he was coming over. Olivia went into the bathroom to freshen up before she'd have to leave again, and she was ready to go when the buzzer announced that Ed had arrived. She buzzed him up and checked the peephole before opening her apartment door for him, even though she knew it was him. It was one of those habits she'd developed after her assault. Better safe than sorry. She wanted to apologize again for the inconvenience but Ed silenced her before she could say anything.

"It's fine Olivia. I just would have been alone at my place. Besides, who wouldn't want to play with Noah's toy cars?" he added, smiling at the little boy in the middle of the living room.

"Ed pway wit Noah toy cars!" Noah exclaimed, and Ed quickly too off his coat, hung it on the rack and walked up to Noah.

Olivia just watched while the newly-promoted IAB Captain kicked off his shoes and sat down on the floor opposite her son, ready to play with him.

"Thank you so much," she said softly and Ed looked at her over his shoulder.

"Off you go. Go catch the bad guys."

She smirked at him and walked over to Noah to kiss him goodbye, grabbed her bag and coat and was out the door.

-SVU-

* * *

They managed to find Nat Dennehy but once he realized they didn't have anyone else to testify against the coach yet, he told her and Dodds that he didn't want to be their guinea pig. They struck out with other young men as well and all in all, it was a disappointing evening. Olivia dragged herself home, and once she got to her door at 11.45 pm, she suddenly realized that Ed Tucker would be there. She hadn't really thought about it all night, which was good in a way because it meant she really hadn't been worried. But now, she actually felt nervous when she got her key and opened the door. It was quiet in her apartment and she closed the door behind her gently. She took off her coat and shoes, and put her bag down, wondering where Ed was. Noah was no doubt in bed, but where was her impromptu sitter?

Olivia ventured into the living room and then spotted him, lying on the couch with his eyes closed. The television was on but the volume was down. The original version of Scrooge was on and it looked like it was nearing the happy finale. Olivia switched the television off and debated how she should wake Ed up. Should she say something, or shake him? She leaned over him, but before she could decide what to do, his eyes popped open.

"I wasn't sleeping," he mumbled, sitting up immediately.

"Of course you weren't," Olivia replied, suppressing a smile. "How did it go with Noah?"

Ed rubbed his eyes and swung his legs off the couch. Olivia sat down next to him, eager to know if her son had had a fun evening.

"Great," Ed said. "That kid of yours just doesn't know when to stop."

Olivia chuckled.

"So he wore you out."

"A little," Ed admitted. "Finally got him to go to sleep around ten. But I think he had fun."

He looked at her and there seemed to be something on his mind, but he shook it off and grabbed his shoes to put them on.

"I should get going so you can get some sleep too."

Olivia nodded and watched him put his shoes on. She knew she wouldn't go to sleep right away. She usually relaxed with a drink for a little while before going to bed. Or trying to sleep on the couch, but Ed didn't need to know that part.

"I'm going to have a drink before I turn in," she said just when Ed got ready to stand up, and he sat back, looking at her. Waiting. She knew he wouldn't suggest staying for a while himself. She would have to ask him.

She stood up, ignoring the twitch in her gut, and asked as casually as she could manage,

"You want one too, before you go?"

There. She'd asked him, and she'd made clear that it wasn't an invitation to stay over. Just one drink before they'd split up.

"Sure," she heard him answer when she was already in the kitchen and grabbing the opened bottle of red from the counter.

She poured them both a glass and headed back to the couch, handing Ed a glass and sitting down next to him.

"How'd it go tonight?" Ed asked and she shrugged.

"It was a waste of time unfortunately, but at least we tried. We'll continue tomorrow."

Ed nodded and drank his wine quietly.

"So you're taking Noah into the office with you tomorrow?" he asked her after a minute.

"Yeah," Olivia sighed. "I don't know what else to do. Everyone I know either has plans or is working as well. I'll set up a playpen in the family room."

"Not a quiet Christmas at home for you two then," Ed mused.

"Well, we're having a quiet morning unwrapping Noah's gifts first."

"Good. Maybe next year, you can actually take the holidays off, huh? Nobody should be working all the time. Not even Lieutenant Benson."

"Yeah yeah," she muttered, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

"I mean it, Olivia," Ed said. "You have to take care of yourself, too, not just everyone else."

Olivia wanted to make a clever remark but the truth was, she didn't have a comeback this time. She knew she should take care of herself and she thought she was doing that a lot better than she used to. She had Noah to consider now. It wasn't just about her anymore. It just stung a little to hear Ed Tucker from IAB give her such advice. He hadn't always been this considerate with her. On the contrary. Maybe it was time to bring it up now. She was tired, maybe too tired for a serious discussion, but she wanted to feel at ease with Ed now that they were becoming friends. So it was important to her to talk about their not so happy past, and possibly get a better understanding of what had made him act like he had towards her.

He'd been after Elliot a lot more than her, but her run-ins with him had been about more than his dislike or jealousy towards Elliot. He had made some deeply personal, hurtful comments to her as well. He'd accused her of leaking a story to the press about a football player who turned out to be gay. After finding out it wasn't true, he had never bothered to get back to her. She'd heard from Cragen that her suspension had been lifted.  
He'd been downright nasty to her when he came into Amanda's apartment after Amanda had shot her sister's boyfriend. And after that, he had the nerve to ask SVU for help with one of his cases, blatantly manipulating her to get Brian to go undercover for him, and deliberately putting Brian's life in danger to make his case. Thinking back, she was still angry about that.  
But what had hurt the most was the suggestive, even demeaning way he'd spoken about her personal trauma. After arresting her for murder, he'd practically made fun of her single status and the fact that she'd seen a psychiatrist, even though she hadn't used one of the company shrinks. He'd assumed that she had killed the deceased because she'd had a flashback to a prior attack that she'd kept a secret. He had alluded to her trauma again when IAB asked for the help of SVU, and Brian, to solve a case that might involve rapes. The casual way he seemed to throw remarks about abuse at her, was painful.

They had become more civil over the past year. Gaining some insight into what had made Tucker so distrusting of other people, and so stuck-up and inflexible, had helped her understand his behavior better. Except for this part. She couldn't understand why anyone would make fun of someone else's trauma, or use it to manipulate someone.

Ed had watched her profile while she was thinking things over, and asked her quietly,

"What's wrong, Olivia?"

She took a deep breath and then turned her head to look at the man on her couch.

"I'm glad we're getting along these days," she started and she could tell that Ed knew there was more.

"Me too," he offered, and looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

"But there are some things I can't just forget."

Ed nodded and waited again. Could he actually know what she was thinking about?

"You've called me a liar many times."

He nodded again.

"You know I'm not the most trusting person on the planet."

If that was supposed to be a joke, she didn't think it was funny.

"And you've made hurtful comments about the things that have happened to me."

"I have?"

She wasn't sure what hurt more; his comments back then, or the fact that he wasn't even aware that he'd hurt her.

"Yes."

"When? Olivia, I assure you it was never my intention to hurt you."

Ed stood up and took a few steps away from the couch. The fact that he was affected by her words helped a little. At least he wasn't shrugging it off. She was going to move forward now, hopefully to finally get this out of the way.

"You practically threw it in my face that something must have happened to me that had pushed me to murder."

Ed turned around to face her.

"Something did happen to you, didn't it?" he asked.

"That's not the point," Olivia said quickly, but Ed wouldn't let it go so easily.

"Someone got to you in prison, didn't they."

"And what if that were true? That doesn't give you the right to throw it in my face and judge me even before knowing the facts. Or manipulating me after my first encounter with Lewis, like you did when you were investigating the 12th."

She was on a roll now, but in stead of giving him her Benson glare, she felt tears welling in her eyes. Ed sat down beside her again and reached for her hand in her lap, but she pulled it away. Ed sighed and sat back, thinking over what she had just said. He was silent for at least two minutes and Olivia had finished her glass of wine by the time he finally spoke again.

"I know about your father," he said quietly.

That was not what Olivia had expected him to say.

"And I'm always looking for signs of clouded judgement or wrong motivations."

Olivia was trying to follow his reasoning.

"And you," Ed continued, "to me, you were an error in judgement waiting to happen. With your background and in this unit, you _had_ to go wrong at some point, or at least I thought so."

Olivia frowned and looked down at her hands. He wasn't sugarcoating anything but she was still struggling to understand what he was telling her. She had never, ever expected him to say something like this. When she didn't respond to his words, Ed continued.

"I felt that, if I shook that tree long enough, you would come to realize that too."

He reached for her hand again and she didn't pull away this time. He held her hand loosely while he spoke quietly.

"For the longest time, when I looked at you I could only see the facts. How it looked on paper. I never really saw _you_."

Olivia finally looked up again and when their eyes met, she could see that he wasn't trying to hurt her, just explain himself and his behavior. She felt very small when she asked him,

"Do you see me now?"

Ed swallowed hard and she could see some emotion in his face. It was surprising to actually see that, as if he was finally allowing her to really see him, too.

"I'm beginning to see you," he answered, and his voice carried the emotion she could see in his eyes.

"What changed?"

Ed chuckled, but without smiling.

"I suppose _I_ did. I finally opened my eyes."

"When?"

"When we were questioning you about what happened with Lewis at the granary."

Olivia was surprised at his precise answer. He remembered the exact moment when he'd apparently started seeing her differently. Or, actually seeing her.

"How?" she asked him.

"When you told us that you had told Lewis to rape you instead of the little girl."

It was Olivia's turn to swallow hard. She still had nightmares about that. Mostly that Lewis had actually done it and little Amelia had been forced to watch. Or he'd rape the girl anyway and forced her to watch. She looked down again, but the feeling of Ed's thumb rubbing the back of her hand kept her from being pulled into the memories, and kept her in the present. She looked at his big, tanned hand, holding her smaller hand.

"I realized then, that you had never, ever wavered from your decision to stand up for victims, or potential victims, of abuse. I saw your strength then in stead of stubbornness. Your honor in stead of overcompensating. Your dedication to justice in stead of over-zealousness."

Olivia blinked a few times to keep her tears at bay. She felt exposed, but not threatened. Not this time.

"And when I finally saw the woman behind the mask, I ... I just had to get to know her better."

Ed dipped his head to get her to look at him again and she did, not trying to hide her emotions. What he said actually made sense. It had taken him a hell of a long time to start seeing her, but in all fairness, hadn't it taken her just as long to start seeing him?

"Looks like we've both been wearing a mask for a long time," she said, and Ed nodded.

They both shrugged and smiled then, and simultaneously said,

"Trust issues."

That made them both laugh and Olivia tried to relax. His words did help. She'd probably be thinking about what he'd said for the rest of the night, but that was okay. She could work with this. It had taken her some effort to start seeing the man behind the mask but so far, he hadn't disappointed her. His words about how he'd looked at her rang true. She could imagine that it looked bad on paper. A product of a rape chasing rapists. And staying in the unit way too long.

Olivia squeezed the hand that was still holding hers loosely.

"Thank you for explaining to me how you looked at things."

"You're welcome," Ed said. "And for what it's worth, I'm deeply sorry for hurting you, and I'm sorry for never giving you the benefit of the doubt before. That won't happen again."

She smiled. She believed him.

"Thank you for that. And thank you for watching Noah for me tonight."

Ed smiled and stood up, understanding that the moment of personal revelations was now officially over.

"Anytime, Olivia. He's a wonderful kid."

Olivia stood as well.

"You sure know how to butter up to a woman," she quipped. "Compliments about the kids always do the trick."

"Well, I have no trouble complimenting the mother as well," Ed said. "This kid has a wonderful mother."

Olivia smiled shyly.

"Thank you."

They walked to the door and Ed put his coat on. Olivia almost jumped when Ed put his hand on her arm and unconsciously held her breath. When he leaned towards her it was almost as if she had expected his gesture, and when his lips touched her cheek gently, she exhaled.

"Merry Christmas, Olivia," Ed said softly, looking into her eyes, his face still close to hers.

Olivia didn't trust her voice right now but managed to whisper,

"Merry Christmas, Ed."

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _So, did this make sense to you? I'd really like to know!_


	7. Townhouse Incident

_This isn't the easiest story to write for me, since I don't agree with how this relationship came falling from the sky on the show. It would help to get some reactions from my readers though. I appreciate the 4 reviews I got after chapter 6 a lot! mmkbrook, thank you for reviewing after each chapter._

 _I will be using episode titles in stead of months from now on as chapter titles, because this is where "Tuckson" started to show on screen. Ironically, cracks seem to be showing in the 'ship' on the show already, four episodes into the new season. Still, there is much to be written before we get to that part, so let's continue this slow dance through season 17. A lot of literal stuff from the episode this time, there was no way around it in my opinion._

-SVU-

* * *

 **Chapter 7: Townhouse Incident**

 _ **Townhouse Incident** \- When Benson's sitter expresses concern over another mother for whom she babysits, Benson looks into the matter and steps into the middle of a violent home invasion where she becomes a hostage. To protect the family and save her own life, Benson works to get inside the perps' heads while SVU and newly promoted IAB Captain Ed Tucker work the escalating situation from the outside to rescue the Lieutenant._

-SVU-

 **January, 2016**

Olivia had tried everything she could think of. Joe reminded her of Lewis way too much, and he was tripping on cocaine, but she had to keep it together for the kids' sake. When he knocked her down at the door, she'd been too stunned to fend him off but she hadn't had time to think about that. He'd already raped 16-year old Tess and the father needed medical attention fast, while the mother had been taken to the bank by Roxy's brother Ralph. But Olivia had gotten a text out to Lucy and her backup had arrived. The house was surrounded by NYPD and Roxy was afraid. The young woman was the weak link of the group.

 **"Joe...,"** Olivia said als calmly as she could manage. **"You're holding a family and a police officer hostage. If you don't talk to them, they're gonna burst in here, and they're gonna take you out, and they're gonna take Roxy out. That's just where we are."**

 **"Joe,"** Roxy sighed, silently pleading with her boyfriend to listen.

 **"Fine,"** Joe replied. **"Who at the NYPD do you trust?"**

 **"My squad. My detectives."**

 **"No. Someone with more pull. Someone that cares about you. Is there anyone at the NYPD who cares if you live or if you die?"**

There was. There was only one person she could think of that Joe would consider having 'pull' as he put it. She told Joe that he should ask for Captain Tucker.

"Captain Tucker, motherfucker," Joe chuckled. "Let's get him here then, so you can fix this mess for me."

About half an hour later, Olivia's phone rang. Joe held it out to her, not letting her hold the phone, and told her to answer on speaker while pointing his gut at her.

 **"Benson. You're on speaker, and Joe is here with me,"** Olivia said when Joe pressed the answer button.

 **"It's Tucker. Everyone okay?"**

Olivia had never been happier to hear Ed's voice. But they were a long way away from getting out of their predicament so she had to get as much information out as she could.

 **"Joe and Roxy are taking good care of us. The children are unharmed, and the father's injuries are under control,"** she said, speaking clearly. She knew her team would be taking notes.

 **"I see. And how about Lisa, the mother?"**

Joe quickly muted the phone and told her to say that Lisa was with them. Olivia tried to get Joe to waver and told him that if Tucker would pick up she was lying, he would get nervous, and he wouldn't want that.

 **"Don't say a thing about the bank,"** Joe ordered, and then put the phone on speaker again.

 **"She's not here right now, but she will be back soon,"** Olivia said neutrally.

Ed continued trying to get additional information from her but Olivia couldn't say much else. He asked for Joe then, and she listened while he tried to convince Joe to let him help him out of this situation. Joe told him that he had a gun to his cop and then they all discussed what Joe's demands were. Olivia was trembling inside and Ed's voice on the phone was like a lifeline right now, helping her to not freak out. Flashbacks to Lewis were lurking around the corners of her mind but she needed to stay focused on the present, to get the family out safely. Joe was making outrageous demands. It had to be the drugs talking. They were never getting away alive and Olivia hoped Roxy would see that too. She still felt that Roxy was her best bet, but she couldn't talk to her with Joe circling her all the time.

When they found out that Ralph had been caught by the police, both Joe and Roxy freaked out, but not for the same reasons. Roxy was worried about Ralph. It was Olivia's way in with the woman. Tucker called again and Joe threatened to kill Olivia if he didn't send Ralph back into the house with the money.

 **"You lie again, and your pretty little girlfriend dies,"** Joe spat into the phone.

 **"Joe, no one can make you kill anybody if you don't want to,"** she heard Ed say, but Joe put the phone in Olivia's bound hands.

 **"He really wants Ralph in here, now,"** she told Ed, playing along with Joe but knowing perfectly well that they weren't going to send Ralph back in.

 **"Yeah, I understand that, but that's not something we can do right now,"** Ed confirmed.

Olivia stood up, holding out the phone to Joe and explaining,

 **"He's telling you the truth. We're not allowed to send civilians inside."**

 **"Okay. Then I'm done talking,"** Joe said.

 **"Joe, listen to me. ESU is all over this block. Do you know who they are?"** Ed asked, still on speaker.

 **"Yeah, Ed. They're like SWAT."**

 **"Exactly. You stop talking to me, they pull me away, and those guys take over."**

Olivia made eye-contact with Roxy and then the couple started fighting when Joe blamed Roxy for the incompetence of her brother and she yelled back that he should have gone to the bank himself and that the father was dying. Ed was still listening in on the phone and asked if everyone was okay after Joe had shoved Roxy. They finally made a deal, that Joe would get the money in exchange for one hostage. Olivia had hoped to get the kids out first, but Joe decided to let them take out the father, who was badly injured. Once the medics were in the house, Joe made them take off their vests before allowing them to take the father out. Mike Dodds was one of the men and Olivia tried not to react, knowing that anything might set Joe off at this point.

Next step was the car Joe had demanded, and he wanted it checked out first. When Joe untied Olivia and ordered her to put one of the bulletproof vests on Roxy, it was her chance to talk to the woman. She whispered that her brother was safe, and this was her chance to get out and not come back. All she had to do was drop to her knees and put her hands up, and she would not be harmed.

Joe was livid when Roxy actually surrendered, and for a few moments, Olivia thought he was going to shoot her in the head. When he didn't, she tried to convince him that he didn't need Roxy and that he was so close to getting out. She told him that the cops wouldn't shoot him if he kept his gun to her head.

 **"They're not gonna try to beat your trigger squeeze. That, I know for a fact."**

Joe believed her, and put on the second vest before ushering them all out. He held the gun to Olivia's head while Olivia held the kids close, and they all walked out of the house slowly towards the car. Olivia had no idea what the plan of the many, many cops around them was, but she knew snipers were in place with their fingers on the triggers. All they needed was a clear shot. She just needed to get the kids out of the way.

Joe was yelling at everyone to stay back and Olivia used her breathing exercises to stay calm and focused on the children, trying to ignore the barrel of Joe's gun that was pressing into the back of her skull. When they were almost at the car, she convinced the man that he really didn't need the kids anymore. Keeping his gun on her was enough to get away safely. When he actually let them go, she knew she had one shot. She'd spotted Tucker and Carisi in her peripheral vision and knew they had the kids. All she had to do was distract him.

"I'm just gonna let Tucker know the plan, okay?" she said, and just when Joe started to answer her, she turned to her left, took a swing at him with her right first, grabbed his right arm under her arm so his gun pointed away from her, and ducked.

Someone yelled _'Take him out!'_ and a single shot was fired, killing Joe instantly. Olivia was still bent over and spread her arms.

 **"Lieutenant!"** Tucker yelled, running towards her with Carisi and several other officers who would attend to Joe.

 **"You all right?"** Ed asked her softly, wrapping his arm around her waist.

He and Carisi helped her walk away from Joe and to a waiting ambulance.

 **"Come on. Come on. It's over,"** Ed said reassuringly.

 **"I'm okay,"** she sighed.

 **"You're safe."**

 **"Where's Noah?"** Olivia asked. Her little boy was all she could think about now.

 **"We'll bring him."** Carisi answered.

 **"But where is he?"**

 **"Okay, he's with Lucy right now. We're gonna find him for you,"** Carisi promised her.

 **"Lieutenant, just take care of yourself first,"** Ed said, still not letting go of her.

Olivia stopped walking and looked at the older of the two men next to her.

 **"Tucker ... Thank you,** **"** was all she could manage to say.

She knew he was shaken up and she could feel him trembling, his arm still secured around her waist and his other hand holding her arm.

 **"For what? You did a great job in there, Lieutenant. Let's get you out of here. Come on."**

Carisi walked with them to the ambulance and then left to get a hold of Lucy. Olivia sat down in the back of the ambulance and looked around.

"Where are the children?" she asked.

Ed sat down next to her and rubbed her back gently.

"They're being taken care of," he assured her.

Olivia let out a shaky sigh and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"He ... he raped her in the next room. There was nothing I could do ..."

Ed held her a little tighter and she leaned into him, resting her head against his.

"I'm sorry," he offered and she was glad he wasn't giving her all the usual platitudes, like it wasn't her fault or the girl would be alright.

A medic asked Ed to move aside so he could attend to Olivia's wounds, and he stood up, finally letting go of her. She had a few nasty cuts and bruises in her face from being hit with a gun a few times.

"Any other injuries?" the medic asked, and Olivia was very much aware that Ed was still standing near her, and listening in.

"No," she said softly. "You should help the girl. Tess. She was raped. I was only hit in the face."

"Alright, we'll get you cleaned up and then you can go."

The medic looked up at the IAB Captain.

"She needs to make a statement right away?"

"Not my call," Ed answered, "I'm just here as a friend."

Olivia looked up at him and when their eyes met, she managed a small smile. Ed waited patiently for the medic to finish and then offered her his arm once again. Carisi came walking up to them again.

"Ah, there your are Lieu. Lucy is on her way to your place with Noah. You need a lift?"

Olivia looked up at Ed, who answered the young detective,

"I'll make sure she gets home. Tell the team to call when she needs to make her statement. Thank you detective."

Carisi nodded and gave Olivia a curious glance before dashing off again. Olivia shook her head. Carisi wouldn't know what to make of it. Ed took her to his car and told Chief Gabriel, the incident commander, that they were heading out. They were silent on the drive to her apartment, and Olivia was actually relieved that they got there before Lucy and Noah. She needed to freshen up and cover her bruises up a little before her little boy would see her. Ed waited in the living room while she ducked into the bathroom to find her concealer, making sure not to smear any of it in the open wounds. When she heard voices, she knew her son was home and she came into the living room quickly. Noah was already jumping in front of Ed with his arms in the air, waiting to be picked up by his friend, and he laughed out loud when Ed scooped him up and held him above his head.

"Ed pway wit Noah!" he squealed and Olivia walked up to the two of them.

"Can I play too?" she asked, and Noah reached for her then.

Ed settled the two-year old in her arms and she held him close to her, rocking him and taking in his familiar scent.

"Oh my baby," she sighed, finally relaxing now that her baby was in her arms again.

Noah wouldn't understand why she was so relieved to see her son again, but the other adults in the room did.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia," Lucy started, but Olivia stopped her.

"It's not your fault Lucy."

"If I hadn't sent you there ..."

"It might have ended much worse."

Ed nodded.

"She's right Lucy. Olivia is the reason that nobody was killed. Well, aside from the scumbag who caused this mess in the first place of course."

Noah started to squirm in her arms and Olivia set him down. She swayed on her feet a little when she stood up, and Ed grabbed her elbow.

"Why don't you sit down for a minute," he suggested. "Anyone up for some tea?"

Both women looked at him with wide eyes and Ed smirked.

"What?"

"Nothing," Olivia and Lucy replied in unison, and they quickly turned their attention to Noah, who wanted to show mommy his new toy that Lucy had gotten him.

Lucy glanced at Olivia and she mouthed at her nanny that she was okay. Lucy didn't seem convinced but with Noah babbling to them happily, she let it go for now.

Ed stayed a while, making sure that Olivia was going to be alright, and after Lucy left, he told her he would be going too. Olivia walked him to the door with Noah in tow, and he smiled at both of them.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask, okay Lieutenant?"

She smiled at the use of her rank, knowing he had used it deliberately. They only addressed each other formally in the company of others now, but he was trying to make a point. Olivia was too tired to object to his 'command' and just answered,

"Yes Captain."

"And talk to your shrink."

"Yes Captain."

When he leaned in, she wasn't as tense as the first time he'd done that. She actually welcomed the friendly contact after the day she'd had. He kissed her left cheek softly, resting his right hand on her hip. Olivia slipped her left arm around his waist and held him for a few seconds, mumbling a few words of thanks. When Noah squeezed his little body between them, they both chuckled and looked down. Noah wrapped his arms around Ed's left leg, telling them,

"Noah hug Ed too!"

They released each other and Ed crouched down in front of Noah.

"Noah, you take good care of your mommy for me, okay?"

"Okay!" Noah said happily.

The boy wrapped his arms around Ed's neck, and he held him in one arm while he stood up, bringing Noah at eye level with Olivia.

"Noah getta kiss?" her son asked innocently.

Olivia and Ed each gave him a big kiss on the cheek simultaneously, making him giggle, and before Olivia knew what was happening, Ed had planted a modest kiss on her lips as well. She bit her lip and took Noah from him when he handed her son back to her. Ed smiled shyly at her and then retreated, understanding that she needed some space after the day she'd had.

"Bye Ed," Noah said, and Olivia kissed her son again, hiding a little behind him to regain her composure.

"Bye Noah. Bye Olivia."

"Bye Ed," Olivia said softly, and then he was out the door.

-SVU-

Olivia had a few extra sessions with Dr. Lindstrom over the weeks following the incident at the townhouse. She'd had quite a few disturbing dreams about Joe Utley, and even the ones about Lewis had become more frequent once again. She mentioned Ed Tucker to her therapist, leaving out the part where he'd kissed her, and Dr. Lindstrom encouraged her to spend time with people who could help her relax and take her mind off things, even if they worked in law enforcement as well.

"I never really thought about this man like that," she confessed. "Up until recently, we've never seen eye to eye professionally. But we've talked about that, and I'm really beginning to appreciate him. And his company."

"Has he met your son?" Dr. Lindstrom asked.

"Oh yes, Noah adores him," Olivia said with a wide smile, that made Dr. Lindstrom smile as well.

"And you?"

Olivia's smile faded.

"Me?"

"How do you feel about him? And about him being around you and your son?"

She didn't really have an answer for her therapist. She was still thinking about it. They were friends now, and that was remarkable to say the least. But Ed had given a few hints already that he'd like to get to know her better. That he might want to be more than friends. She didn't know yet how she felt about that.

They didn't see each other for a while but Ed did call her one evening, to ask how she was doing. Olivia had just sat down with a glass of wine to unwind at home after a difficult trial, that Barba had won in the end. She was looking at Noah on the baby monitor app on her iPad when her phone rang.

"Hey, it's me. Just checking in with my favorite munchkin and his mom."

Olivia chuckled.

"Hey Ed, how have you been?"

"Busy. And you?"

"The same."

"How's Noah?"

 **"He's good. He's sleeping like a baby."**

"And how's mom?"

 **"Me? I'm fine."**

"Are you taking care of yourself? Resting enough?"

 **"I took the mandatory time off, and ..."**

"Going to therapy?" Ed interrupted.

 **"Yes, I'm seeing my shrink."**

"You wanna got out for dinner some time? I'm sure it'll be more fun than just work, therapy and sleep."

 **"Well, that does sound like more fun. Rain check?"**

"I''m gonna cash it in soon, Olivia."

Olivia actually felt butterflies in her stomach when he said he wanted to see her soon.

 **"Okay,"** she said, smiling.

Ed sounded immensely relieved when he told her,

"I'm looking forward to it."

 **"Okay, me too. Bye."**

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _Yes, that last bit was my take on the phone conversation at the end of Forty-One Witnesses. Review?  
Anonymous reviews are fine too, if you're embarrassed to admit you're reading a Tuckson story! ;)_


	8. Collateral Damages

_Funny how they were still doing their hostile thing in this episode. I actually had to get creative to explain that away ... From hostile interaction to dating in one episode? What were the writers thinking? And I'm taking it even further here ..._

-SVU-

 **8\. Collateral Damages**

They met up again sooner than either of them had expected, in front of the apartment of none other than Deputy Commissioner Hank Abraham, his wife Pippa Cox and their two children. If the situation wasn't so tragic for the family, she would have grinned at the act Ed was putting up for Fin and the other cops around them when he approached her.

 **"Lieutenant. I know you live to make my life miserable, but J.C., Mary, and Joseph ... this?"**

 **"Look, you didn't have to wake the Commissioner up in the middle of the night to tell him that his trusted PR chief is busted for child porn,"** Olivia retorted.

She was actually annoyed about that, so her comeback wasn't really an act.

 **"Between you and me, I never liked the guy anyway,"** Ed said when Fin had moved away.

 **"No one does. He's an angry prick."**

 **"But you're sure it's him?"**

 **"My squad knows what they're doing,"** Olivia assured him

They continued talking while they walked up to the building.

 **"His wife is that redheaded DA?"**

 **"Pippa Cox. She's a lawyer for social services. She protects kids."**

 **"This keeps getting worse."**

 **"Oh, yes it does,"** she agreed. **"They have two of their own."**

 **"Rollins, we're sure, right?"** Ed asked Amanda once they met up with them at Abraham's front door. **"Every I dotted, every T crossed?"**

 **"We tracked the wi-fi to his computer. We caught him actively uploading. We took a digital snapshot of his entire system. I mean, everything was by the book,"** Amanda assured him.

 **"I'm sure it was,"** Ed said. **"It's just that..."**

 **"Look, Tucker just wants to make sure that we hand IAB an airtight case,"** Olivia interruped, hoping that Amanda would see Ed Tucker was on their side on this.

 **"If he wasn't your initial target, you're gonna need an updated warrant,"** Ed added.

 **"Almost here,"** Olivia said.

 **"In the meantime, bring Abraham in?"** Amanda asked.

 **"Yeah, just... don't cuff him in front of his family,"** Olivia answered, and Ed added,

 **"And get him out of here before the press show up."**

Fin gave Ed a somewhat suspicious stare but then turned around to go inside with Amanda. Olivia put a hand on Ed's arm and he nodded at her reassuringly. They were a team on this one. They would have to go up as well and while they both didn't like Hank Abraham one bit, they felt for his family. Olivia had met Pippa many times during Noah's hearings, and she liked the counselor. She didn't know that she was married to Abraham though, and she couldn't help worrying about their two young children. Ed placed a hand over hers on his arm and she smiled sadly at him. They took a deep breath and turned to go inside.

Once they were at the door of the apartment and Hank Abraham was taken out, she asked Ed for five minutes to talk to Pippa first and get her and the kids out. He agreed. They both stayed to supervise the search of the apartment, making sure that everything was done by the book. Olivia realized it was the first time they had really worked together, and she thought that, despite the horrific case, they were doing it well.

-SVU-

Ed went in with Barba to interview Hank the next morning, while Olivia spoke with Pippa, who was in complete denial. But as the investigation continued and resulted in an arraignment of her husband, Pippa finally began to see that the man she thought she knew had not been set up, but was indeed guilty of possession and distribution of child pornography. She broke down on the steps inside the courthouse, and all Olivia could do was hold her. Her world had just collapsed and it was difficult for Olivia to shake off the woman's grief. Hank had never laid a hand on his own children, but when could one ever be sure about something like that?

She was sitting in the rocking chair in Noah's room, just watching her little man sleep. She wanted to build a castle for him with a huge wall around it, to shield him and hide him away from the world. With what she saw on a daily basis, how could she ever trust anyone around her son? It was frightening.

She had known one man who she had trusted completely and wholeheartedly. They had walked side by side for over twelve years and he'd never given her any reason to doubt his commitment to protecting children. How could she ever find someone to trust like that again? It would take another twelve years at least. Who would give her that much time to start trusting them?

Olivia leaned her head back in the chair and closed her eyes. Did she trust Ed Tucker? He'd been a constant in her life, but not always in a good way. But he was unwavering, like her. Dedicated to his job. She had entrusted him with her son before. Noah adored him and she couldn't help but smile at the thought. Ed was rigid in a way, but children like to know where they stand. They need boundaries to learn and to grow up safely. Noah always knew where he stood with Ed, although he was already beginning to find ways to play the man. Ed laughed at his pouting face, but real tears could still soften him a bit, and Noah knew it. It was fascinating to watch them together, and as her mind wandered, Olivia realized that she enjoyed spending time with Ed and Noah. He could be a male role model for her little boy, and teach him how to become a man in a healthy way. Not a forced way, ignoring his feelings, like Ed's father had done. She could see that happening and just like that, she had gone from worrying about Noah and all the perverts in the world to daydreaming a bit about a different life. A life where she wouldn't have to make all the decisions on her own.

Olivia looked at her son again. He was clutching a toy giraffe, his favorite stuffed animal of all times, that had to go with him wherever he went. It gave him a sense of safety and familiarity. She smiled. She was giving her son more than she had been given already. It _was_ possible for wounded people from a dysfunctional family to love and raise their children well. Thank God it was.

-SVU-

She met up with Pippa again a few days later for a cup of coffee in a small restaurant. Her children were out of town and Pippa was staying at a hotel. Her father wanted her to change the children's last names and her mother blamed her for not knowing.

 **"Pippa ... men who do this, have to hide it,"** Olivia said gently. **"They get very good at compartmentalizing."**

 **"I married him,"** Pippa sobbed. **"I slept with him for twelve years ... I didn't know he was sick ... No radar went off ... I ... how blind am I? How stupid?"**

Her words were still ringing in Olivia's ears when she and Barba were notified that Hank had slashed his wrists. Pippa had found him by chance, when she dropped by the apartment to pick up a few things for the children. Hank finally acknowledged that he had a problem. He was getting help and was willing to plead guilty. A small hearing was arranged on a Sunday evening, so there would be a minimum of attention given to it by the press. Barba asked for all the four year terms to be served concurrently, so he would only be in jail for four years. He would go on the sex offenders registry for twenty years.

Pippa sat next to Olivia during the brief hearing. She was still broken and Olivia had put an arm around her. When Hank was led out of the courtroom, she whispered,

 **"He's still my husband. We have two children."**

Olivia nodded and rubbed her arm.

 **"I get it,"** she whispered back. **"I get it."**

A man could be sick, have an addiction and still not be rotten to the core. What had once been totally black and white to her, was now showing grey areas. Olivia wondered sometimes if it had to do with the fact that she was getting older. Or maybe she was beginning to see the hurt behind the crimes. She and Ed weren't the only people walking around with a mask on. Maybe everyone was, in a way.

She left the courthouse with a heavy heart after wishing Pippa all the best, and met up with Ed outside. It was a little late for dinner but he wanted to cash in his rain check anyway to take her out for a drink, saying they both needed a drink after this case. He was right, and she accepted. As they walked a few blocks, Ed mused out loud,

 **"Abraham's family... how do they start over after this?"**

 **"I can't even think about it,"** Olivia sighed.

She was very tired after the emotional rollercoaster this case had turned out to be.

 **"Still up for that nightcap?"** Ed asked, probably sensing how tired she was.

 **"Yeah. I could really use a drink,"** she answered, turning to go into the bar they had been headed to.

Ed was right behind her, his hand on her back, but when Olivia saw how crowded it was, she changed her mind.

 **"Ehm, you know what? Not here."**

 **"Wherever you want to go. You tell me,"** Ed shrugged.

She was glad they were going to avoid all the noise in the bar, and she looped her arm through Ed's when they continued walking. But when she realized that it was super busy everywhere, she stopped.

"Why is it so crowded everywhere?" she asked, a little frustrated that they were still outside in the cold.

"You don't know what today is?" Ed asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

She cocked an eyebrow.

"Sunday?"

"The date," Ed elaborated.

"February ... February fourteen."

"Which is?"

She frowned and looked at one of the crowded bars, that had pink lights and red hearts in the window.

"Olivia," Ed grinned, spreading his arms invitingly.

"What? That's _today_?" she asked incredulously.

Ed shrugged.

"Supposed to be the most romantic night of the year."

Olivia took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Valentine's Day. Of all the days to be out here in the cold with Ed ...

"Well, it's not going to be very romantic standing here in the cold like this," she blurted out.

Ed moved next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Then let's go inside somewhere."

Olivia glanced at the crowded bars again. She didn't want to go in there.

"Can't we go to your place?" she asked, realizing the moment she said it how it sounded.

She looked at him, her mouth already open to clarify, but Ed shushed her, placing one finger over her lips. Her eyes widened a bit at the contact.

"My place is fine, Olivia. It's closer than yours so that makes sense. I don't feel like squeezing through crowds of young people either."

They turned around and started walking at a brisk pace towards Ed's apartment. She had never been there but it was only a few blocks away from where they were and they hurried inside the building.

"My nose is frozen," Olivia complained as they got into the elevator, and Ed chuckled.

"Let's see if I can thaw it out," he said and his voice was even lower and raspier than usual.

Her heart skipped a beat when he approached her and she held her breath when he placed a very soft kiss on the tip of her nose. She couldn't help smiling at the gesture and wanted to say that it would take more than just one kiss to thaw her nose, when the elevator dinged. Ed took a quick step back and let her leave the elevator first.

"Second door on the left," he said and she walked in front of him, telling herself not to go into teenager mode over one kiss on the nose.

The apartment was nice and warm, and they took off their coats. Ed also took off his tie and jacket, and kicked his shoes off.

"Feel free to do the same," he told her, pointing at her boots. "Your toes will get warm quicker without them."

She knew he was right and once she was walking on the soft carpeting in her socks, she shook off the uneasiness of taking off her shoes on her very first visit to Ed's place. She took off her jacket too, and threw it on top of Ed's on an armchair. Ed was in the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of bourbon.

"This? Or would you prefer hot cocoa?" he asked her with a smirk.

"Bourbon's fine," she said, plopping down on the big brown leather couch in the middle of the modest living room.

Ed's place was practical, no knickknacks anywhere, just solid oak furniture and beige walls and carpeting, and brown drapes. And a huge, comfortable brown couch with beige throw pillows and one matching armchair. She grabbed a pillow and put it in her lap, and pulled one leg up underneath her. Ed sat down next to her and handed her her drink. He sat a little sideways and leaned one arm on the back of the couch, supporting his head with his hand. They lifted their glasses and Ed said,

"Welcome to my home."

Olivia smiled and took a few sips of the strong drink. It burned a little as it went down her throat and she liked the warm buzz it gave her. She would the thawing from the inside out.

"I suppose this isn't what you usually do on Valentine's Day," Ed said, watching her intently while she sipped her drink and tried to relax.

She looked at him then and tilted her head.

"It hasn't been a special day in quite a while," she told him. "How 'bout you?"

Ed shook his head and took another long sip from his drink.

"Hasn't been a special day for me in twenty years."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up.

"Twenty years? Why?"

He shrugged.

"Never really got back in the game after my divorce."

"Never?!"

She couldn't hide her astonishment very well. He hadn't dated _anyone_ in twenty years?

"I had a few flings in the beginning, but it never felt right. That ... that's not really me, you know."

She could understand he wasn't the kind of guy who would go out every weekend to find someone to have some fun with, but twenty years was a long time to be alone.

"Okay," she said hesitantly. "But does that mean that you ... you know ..."

She wasn't quite sure why she had started asking the question in the first place, and when Ed set his glass down to put a hand on her knee, she was even less sure.

"I'm not a virgin, but yes, it's been like forever."

Olivia put the glass to her lips quickly and drank all of the remaining bourbon at once. She gasped afterwards because it really burned, and then she heard Ed chuckle. Why wasn't he less comfortable with the subject at hand anyway, she wondered. Ed reached for her glass and she let him take it from her to set it on the coffee table.

"Olivia," he said seriously, placing his hand on her knee again. "I'm not telling you this because I'm frustrated or because I want to jump you right now, or anything like that. I just want you to know that ... that I'm not a head over heels kind of guy."

"You wanna take it slow."

He nodded, still staring at her, unblinking.

"It's kinda new for me, that's all," he added. "But I ... I really want to get to know you better and ... get closer to you."

Olivia bit her lip. He was being so vulnerable right now. She had tried to picture him in a romantic situation but it had always seemed a little off somehow. But now that he was bearing his soul to her, and his insecurities, it didn't seem off at all. It was almost automatic when her hand went to his face and she cupped his cheek. She smiled at him and told him,

"Never be anyone other than yourself, Ed. If you wanna take it slow ..."

She paused when he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. He really was vulnerable in these moments and she felt drawn to him.

"Then we'll take it slow," she finished softly, but she moved closer to him while she spoke, doing the opposite of what she was saying when she kissed him softly on the lips.

His eyes opened and she looked at him, holding her breath and hoping she wasn't moving too fast. His eyes reflected his smile even before the corners of his mouth started tugging up. The hand that had been resting on her knee reached up and moved to her neck, and she smiled when he pulled her into him again. He kissed her this time, and she kissed him back, her hand still cupping his cheek and her other arm wrapping around his neck. Both his arms were around her now and he held her loosely while he sucked her bottom lip between hers briefly before kissing her again, and a soft moan emanated from her throat. She closed her eyes and just let her body take over, and when there was a little room between his kisses, she ran her tongue along the seam of his lips. It was Ed's turn to moan and he tangled a hand in her hair while he opened his mouth for her and deepened the kiss, his tongue finding hers in a slow, longing kiss. She knew he hadn't kissed a woman in years but he was catching on quickly, making her moan again when his other hand drifted down her back and to her ass.

When they broke off the kiss, they were both a little out of breath. Ed kissed her cheek softly once and then created some distance between their faces.

"This is taking it slow for you?" Olivia asked, her voice a little shaky but her eyes sparkling.

"You started it," Es rasped, grinning from ear to ear.

"You didn't seem to mind."

"I didn't. I don't. Just know that I didn't bring you to my apartment tonight to have a make-out session on my couch w... "

Olivia decided to shut the man up by kissing him again, and he really didn't mind at all. She tossed the pillow aside that had been in her lap and moved closer to him, never breaking the kiss while sitting up on her knees, and Ed surprised her by pulling her into his lap so she was straddling him. She pulled away slightly to look at him, and was looking down at him now. His hands were caressing her back and he was looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She had wanted to make another joke about going slow but the words died on her tongue. This was no joke. This was real and she wanted this. When she moved to kiss him again, Ed groaned softly, and she realized that he was getting aroused. She broke off the kiss and leaned her forehead against his shoulder.

"Too fast?" she asked, and she could hear him take a few deep breaths.

She sat up and moved off his lap quickly, snuggling up next to him in his arm in stead.

"Wow," Ed sighed after a few beats. "I didn't think you'd ... or I'd ..."

Olivia chuckled.

"Sorry. I got carried away."

"Me too Olivia. Me too."

He retracted his arm and scrubbed both hands down his face, and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. Olivia wrapped an arm around his waist and told him it was okay. He nodded but didn't look at her.

"What's wrong Ed?" she asked him quietly.

She knew he wanted to be with her, so she wasn't worried about that, but she wondered why he seemed so tense now.

"When I said I wanted to take it slow earlier?"

"Yes?"

He looked at her over his shoulder then.

"What if I change my mind?"

Olivia grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back so he was sitting up straight again.

"There are no rules, Ed," she told him. "We just figure out what works for us."

Ed blew out a breath through pursed lips and she could see desire as well as uncertainty in his eyes.

"Rules are easier for me," he admitted, and Olivia smiled.

"I know. But these things don't work that way. You'll have to feel it. Don't think too much for once, okay? Let's just see what happens," Olivia whispered. "I'm not talking about ripping each others' clothes off, just ... you know."

Ed shook his head but pulled her into him anyway.

"No, I don't know," he said honestly. "But I know I like this."

She smiled widely and when she leaned in to kiss him once more, he returned her kiss more hungrily than before, pulling her into him with less hesitation than before. After kissing for a while, they had another drink while getting to know more about each other, like their favorite color, animal, movie, tv show and little things like that. When Ed started kissing her neck again and nudged her, she lay down on the couch willingly, pulling Ed along with her. They ended up on their sides facing each other, touching each other over their clothes and kissing each other senseless. Then Olivia suddenly noticed the time and sat up.

"Oh God, I have to get home to Noah. I should have been home half an hour ago!"

Ed released her quickly and laughed softly when she started running around to get her jacket, boots, purse and coat all at once. He stood up then and took her coat and purse, suggesting she put her boots on first. Right. Boots, jacket, coat, purse. That made sense. She had been so distracted that she'd totally forgotten that Lucy had a late date tonight. Valentine's Day. Why hadn't she realized that sooner?

Ed offered to walk with her but she said she was taking a cab. It would be quicker. So he walked outside with her and hailed her a cab while she sent a quick text to Lucy, letting her know she was on her way. When the cab arrived, she turned to Ed, who was grinning at her.

"I'm sorry about this," she started but he shook his head.

"Don't be. I had a great evening. Best Valentine's Day of my life."

She knew he meant it and it moved her.

"Call me," she whispered before kissing him one last time. "Soon."

"I will, Olivia. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Ed."

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _Review? Is this still true to their characters?_


	9. Star-Struck Victims

_Thank you for all your feedback, especially after chapters 7 and 8. It's nice to see people getting invested in this backstory and to see that you are reading it as if this is exactly what happened behind the scenes. That is a great compliment, so thank you for that!_

-SVU-

* * *

 **Chapter 9: Star-Struck Victims**

-SVU-

 _ **Star-Struck Victims** \- Kristi Cryer, a vlogger, reports that she was sexually assaulted by a bartender. However, later on she claims that she was also assaulted by a famous actor, Bobby D'Amico, who has ties to the NYPD. Both Chief Dodds and Mike Dodds know him personally._

-SVU-

It wasn't exactly an open and shut case this time. Barba wasn't sure their victim was a credible witness. It was frustrating because it was obvious to Olivia that something _had_ happened to this girl. But she kept changing her story and then Chief Dodds ordered them to drop the case for lack of evidence. Kristi's next vlog showed Kristi crying, telling the world that she had been raped by not only the bartender but also a famous actor and that, although she was a special victim, the SVU didn't think she was as special as said actor, Bobby D'Amico.

When they decided to call it a night around eight, Olivia knew that despite Dodds' orders, the case had just been blown wide open again and she knew that the Chief would be standing on her doorstep the next morning. She felt her phone buzz in her back pocket just when she switched off the lights in her office. Mike Dodds was the only one left besides her and he offered to walk her out, so she glanced at her phone quickly before putting it in the pocket of her blazer. It was a text from Ed and she had to make an effort not to smile too widely. They had texted back and forth for a while now, ever since their Valentine's evening, and she was looking forward to seeing him again tonight.

Mike was still mainly thinking about the case, and was almost apologizing for his father's attitude. She assured him there was no need, and she knew his father didn't speak for him. When they arrived at the parking lot, they split up and Olivia quickly pulled her phone out again.

 _'At your place already. Let Lucy go for the night. What's your ETA? x Ed.'_

She was still getting used to the x-es but she liked this side of the man, a lot. She sent a quick text back, letting him know she was on her way and would be home in fifteen minutes. When she got there, she was greeted by Noah at the door. He was already in his pajamas and wearing a crown, and Ed was standing behind him with a sash across his torso, his arms crossed and looking like a bodyguard.

"Momma, Noah is da king and Ed is my knight!" her son told her excitedly.

"Oh wow," Olivia sighed, kneeling in front of her little king in the doorway. "So I am the king's mother?"

Noah shook his head vigorously.

"No momma, you is da princess and Ed save da princess."

Olivia glanced up at Knight Ed, who shrugged but grinned at her. That must have been his idea and there was no doubt in her mind that Ed had practiced the words with Noah.

"Really," she said, standing up. "So, Knight Ed, how are you going to save the princess?"

"Allow me, King Noah," Ed said very seriously in a low voice, and Noah stepped aside elegantly, making Olivia chuckle.

Ed stood next to her then and took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips to kiss it while he made a bow.

"My dear princess, please come into our castle, where you will be safe."

As soon as Olivia stepped over the threshold and Ed closed the door behind her, Noah started clapping and cheering.

"Yey! Ed save da princess!"

The adults smiled at each other and Olivia fell into Ed's arms dramatically.

"My hero," she sighed and Ed wrapped his arms around her, holding her close for a few seconds.

King Noah needed their attention though, and they broke apart quickly. There would be time for the knight and the princess to get together after the king had gone to sleep. Noah was excited that they were playing along, and they kept the game up for quite a while, serving their king some water while they had coffee, until her little boy was finally too tired to stay awake.

"I believe the king needs to rest," Olivia said solemnly, and Noah nodded, rubbing a fist in his eye.

"Princess read da king a story?"

"Of course, King Noah."

Ed winked at her when she led the king out of the room and she felt the butterflies doing summersaults again in her stomach. They both hadn't told anyone about their budding relationship yet. It was something between the two of them for now, while they figured out what they meant to each other exactly, and what could become of this. It was none of anyone's business anyway. She'd seen Fin watch her a few times, as if he was wondering about something, but she knew her old friend would never come out and ask her anything of a personal nature, unless he was really worried about her. Amanda and Carisi seemed to be too preoccupied with each other lately to notice her, and Mike just didn't know her well enough yet to know that there was anything different about her.

She liked it like this. They were in their own little world, just the three of them. King Noah, the knight and the princess. She felt safe in their little world and didn't want to let anyone in for a while yet. Naturally, she had to read Noah a story about a powerful king but he nodded off to sleep before she had even finished. She cherished these little moments with her son, but this time, she also looked forward to letting him sleep and going back to the living room. Because Ed was there. She tried to suppress a smile when she kissed Noah one last time before switching the lights in his room off and leaving his room. She was still smiling though, when she came back into the living room. Her smile widened when she saw that Ed had dimmed the lights and had lit a few candles on the coffee table. He was sitting on the couch, waiting for her.

"My princess," he said in his sexy, low voice, and she moved into his waiting arms immediately.

"My knight in shining armor," she sighed dramatically, but when his mouth closed over hers, they weren't acting anymore.

Olivia moaned when Ed pulled her close to him with one arm, while moving his other hand to her shoulder, and then down over her breast. He wasn't wasting any time and when she broke off the kiss to catch her breath, he told her softly,

"I really missed you."

"I can tell," she answered, kissing him below his ear.

Ed created a little distance between them so he could look into her eyes.

"I keep thinking about the other night," he admitted, and Olivia bit her lip.

"Me too," she told him, and it was the truth.

She hadn't just thought about how he had kissed and touched her, and how she had missed being touched like that. She had thought about _him_. About how he was opening up to her and showing her his soft side. About how vulnerable he had been with her. She wasn't sure if she could be that vulnerable with him as well, but she had found herself missing Ed Tucker. And he had missed her, too.

He kissed her again and she leaned into him willingly. It felt so right to be held by this man. A man who had been just as lonely and disappointed as she had been, but who longed for love just like she did. She knew he would never try to overpower her. He just didn't have it in him and that made her feel truly safe with him. His hands were touching her and she moaned when he squeezed her breast again through her clothes. Ed moved his hand to her back and broke off their intense kiss when his hand hit skin underneath her blouse. He splayed his hand on the bare skin of her back and held it there.

"No rules, right?" Ed asked, looking at her with a mixture of desire and hope in his eyes.

She realized what he was asking her, and while she had been in the lead on Valentine's Day, she felt the tables turn in an instant this night. Ed must have registered that she was starting to pull back because he looked down suddenly, removing his hand from her back.

"Olivia ..." he said, his voice laced with something she could only describe as resignation.

He didn't think she wanted him. But she didn't want him to think that. That wasn't it. Not at all.

"Ed, no," she said quickly and he looked up at her. "It's not what you think."

Ed had started moving away from her a little, but while she did welcome the room to breathe and explain, she didn't want him to pull back. She needed him to understand that while she might be the experienced one of the two, it wasn't easy for her to give herself to a man physically. Not anymore. Not after those four days in May of 2013.

She grabbed Ed's hands and held them while she took a deep breath. She needed to explain herself. But how?

"Ed," she started, squeezing his hands and not avoiding his eyes. "Please don't think I don't want this, because I do. It's just ... I'm not as ... as confident as I used to be about my ... about my body."

Ed frowned and she could tell he didn't understand.

"Why?" he asked her. "Because you're getting older?"

"No," she whispered, looking down at their hands, that were clasped together on her knees.

"Because ... I don't look like I used to since ..."

She sighed. She didn't want to say his name. She didn't want to keep him alive like that.

"Oh," she heard Ed say softly, and she lifted her eyes to meet his again.

"You've read the reports," she said and Ed nodded.

"I see," he said.

"It's got nothing to do with you, or how I feel about you," she added quickly.

She could see the wheels turning inside his head. He was biting his lower lip and she didn't look away. If he could be vulnerable with her, she shouldn't hide from him now. Ed looked at her again and she could tell he had made some kind of decision.

"Olivia, can I show you something?" he asked her.

His voice was tense and she knew it must be important, so she nodded.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," he said and he waited for her to nod again.

"Okay."

He let go of her hands and sat up straight on the couch, and then started unbuttoning his dress shirt. Olivia cocked an eyebrow but remembered his words, not to take it the wrong way. She wondered what he was going to show her and watched him pull his shirt out of his pants and unbutton it completely. When he pulled the fabric aside and Olivia really looked at what he was showing her, she put a hand over her mouth. Her eyes had gone wide and she was taking in all the scars that adorned Ed Tucker's entire chest and abdomen. He was well-built and it was clear to her that he was working out, but the scars ...

She reached out a hand and put it on his chest carefully. He was warm and he was trembling.

"What happened?" was all she could say, still amazed at the sight before her.

"It happened a long time ago, when I was in the Marines," Ed told her quietly. "A bomb went off close by and I was hit by the brunt of the shrapnel that was flying around. Nearly ripped my gut open but I survived."

He didn't give her any details about the mission he'd been on and she didn't ask. It didn't matter now. She traced a few of the scars on his chest with her finger and took it all in. When she touched a rather long scar that ran diagonally across the other, more ragged ones, Ed continued.

"Those aren't from the shrapnel. My unit was captured and I was whipped for information."

He had unbuttoned his cuffs too and shrugged the shirt off his back.

"Most of those are on my back."

When he turned slightly, Olivia leaned back on the couch to look at his back. There were at least a dozen long, diagonal scars on his back in both directions. She touched his back and caressed his scarred skin, tears welling in her eyes. She could only imagine the pain he had suffered. And she was quite certain that he had not given up any information to his captors. She leaned closer to Ed and kissed his bare shoulder, her hand still caressing his back. She felt him shiver and she kissed his shoulder again, while sitting up on her knees and moving behind him on the couch. She kissed him between his shoulder blades and then moved her mouth to his other shoulder.

"Do you feel these scars define who I am, Olivia?" he asked her and she closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against the back of his head.

"No."

"What do they tell you?"

She kissed the back of his neck.

"They tell me what you've been through."

"Do they make me less of a man? Or less attractive?"

She moved her arms around him from behind and rested her cheek against his back while caressing his chest.

"No."

If anything, his scars made him more of a man, and more attractive to her and she choked up. He knew what he was trying to tell her. And while she might think it was different for her because she was a woman, she knew it wasn't different for Ed. He knew what she'd been through and that her scars didn't define who she was. When Ed turned around, she moved next to him again and put a hand on his chest.

"If anything, our scars tell us about how we suffered, but they also tell us we were strong enough to survive the suffering. You are the strongest person I know, Olivia. And that alone makes you the most beautiful princess I could ever ask for."

Olivia's chin was trembling and she was suppressing a sob when Ed put a hand under her chin and kissed her, very softly. She let out a shaky sigh and wrapped her arms around his neck. When Ed enveloped her in his arms, she felt safe. Safe enough to lower her defensive walls and let him in. She untangled herself from his arms and stood up, holding out her hand. Ed's eyes lit up and he put his hand in hers, standing up with her. Olivia smiled at him through the tears that were brimming in her eyes.

"Stay with me," she whispered and he nodded when he let her lead him into her bedroom.

She kissed every single one of his scars and then he kissed all of her scars while slowly stripping her of her clothes. It was deeply emotional for Olivia to show herself to him like this, but it was liberating as well. Ed revered her body because she had survived a vicious assault, like she revered his body for coming out stronger after being tortured. They were complete equals, and all Olivia's insecurities about her body and about her ability to make love, disappeared in Ed's presence. His mouth was soothing on her skin and passionate when they kissed and he fulfilled much more than just her physical needs that first night they spent together. When she finally fell asleep in his arms, she felt more at peace, more _herself_ , than she had in a long time.

-SVU-

* * *

-SVU-

When Olivia's alarm clock woke her up early the next morning, she was acutely aware that she wasn't alone in her bed. There was an arm around her and her head was resting on a shoulder. She looked up and into Ed's blue eyes.

"Hey," he rasped, giving her a sleepy smile.

"You stayed," she said, propping herself up on one elbow.

"Yeah. Shouldn't I have?"

He frowned slightly and Olivia wanted to reassure him right away.

"Oh yes. Yes, of course. I invited you. I'm just ... well ..."

How was she going to explain to him that she had usually left after sleeping with someone? Not because they hadn't wanted her to stay, but because she had always felt the need to flee the scene. It was surprisingly reassuring that Ed had stayed. He didn't feel the need to flee. It was a good thing. In stead of saying anything else, Olivia leaned in to kiss him softly, and Ed didn't question her about her reaction to his presence. She reveled in the feeling of their naked bodies moving against each other underneath the covers, but she didn't have time to take things any further because she had to be in the office early. She and Mike were accompanying Chief Dodds to have a chat with Bobby D'Amico.

"I have to get ready," she whispered into Ed's ear when he kissed her shoulder, his hand drifting down to her hip so he could pull her into him.

"Hmmm, can't you play hooky for once?" he hummed against the skin of her neck, and she smiled.

"Not this time, sorry. Lucy will be here in thirty minutes."

"Lucy is pretty but I like you better," Ed mumbled, kissing her behind her ear and making her shiver.

She wished she could stay with him and make love to him all over again, but coming in late wasn't an option today. Ed let her go reluctantly and followed her example as soon as she came out of the bathroom to get Noah ready. They were all dressed and eating breakfast when Lucy arrived. She glanced at Ed and then smiled at Olivia, who smiled back at the nanny. Lucy promised to clean up before she and Noah would leave, and Ed left with Olivia. They took their own cars, silently agreeing that it wasn't anyone's business just yet that they were now together.

SVU continued working Kristi's case despite Chief Dodds' assumptions about their victim. IAB also caught a tough case and they didn't meet up that evening. Then Olivia found out that Amanda had decided to go undercover on her own, not checking it with Olivia first. She had gotten video of their two suspects, who were clearly rapists, trying to do exactly the same thing to her that they had done to Kristi. They couldn't use the footage in the case however, and Olivia was livid that Amanda had gone behind her back, again. And Mike was actually backing her up. On top of that, she couldn't breathe a word of any of this to Ed, because he was IAB. He noticed that something was off when he came over the next evening but he let it go when Olivia told him she couldn't discuss it with him because it would create a conflict of interest.

"Alright, I trust your judgement," he simply said, and that was that for him.

Only it wasn't for her. She was still tense and didn't want to have to keep things from Ed. They were onto something here, something good that she was beginning to believe in. She didn't want anything to get in the way of that. Ed seemed to notice that she wasn't relaxing and stood behind her in the kitchen when she was putting away their glasses. He put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently.

"Oh, that feels good," Olivia sighed.

"You need to relax, Lieutenant," Ed told her.

"I know," she said, dropping her head forward and giving in to the spontaneous massage Ed was giving her. "But I hate that I can't talk to you about certain things."

"I understand," Ed said, and somehow, it was enough.

He understood what she was up against. He knew the world she lived in, because he lived in it too. There was a lot he couldn't talk to her about either. Olivia moaned softly when he pressed his thumbs into a few particularly tense muscles in her shoulders. Ed stood closer behind her, pushing her into the kitchen counter, and she could feel the effect she was having on him pressing into her lower back. She turned around quickly and wrapped her arms around his waist. Ed grinned at her when she pushed her hips into his.

"That's another way to relax," he said and Olivia smiled up at him.

"Let's relax together," she said softly before kissing him on the lips.

"I like the way you think, Lieutenant," Ed mumbled before starting to walk backwards out of the kitchen, tugging her along with him.

His shirt and her blouse never made it to her bedroom, and Olivia was glad Noah was sound asleep when Ed made her cry out in ecstasy a while later. He was definitely making up for lost time and she was not complaining. Not at all.

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _FYI, the rating will remain T throughout this story, in case you were wondering.  
Next up will be Manhattan Transfer ...  
_


	10. Manhattan Transfer

_The shit is about to hit the fan ... and I think this episode makes a hell of a lot more sense after the previous nine chapters! Let me know if you agree.  
It's mostly episode stuff in this chapter, but I had to include it to make the story complete. There will be more Tuckson loving in the next chapter. Let's let this one play out first._

-SVU-

* * *

 **10\. Manhattan Transfer**

-SVU-

The team had received an anonymous tip about underaged girls being exploiting during sex parties, and had set up surveillance, with Carisi on the inside while Amanda, Mike and Olivia were watching on the monitor in a van outside. When Carisi tried to stop one of the guests from groping a girl who was trying to get away from the man, things escalated quickly and guns were drawn. The team charged in and identified themselves as NYPD. Two of the people attending the party identified themselves as vice and everyone was taken to the station.

They hit a brick wall interviewing all the people that had been at the party, including the two vice cops and Nina, a nun who said she was there undercover as well, to try and get the girls out. A lot of guests were well known to Barba and the team. There was even a judge present. The Captain of the two vice cops vouched for them and took them home, but then Nina told Olivia that those cops were rapists, just like the others. One of the girls Nina had managed to get out, Cara, confirmed that she had been raped by both cops but both she and Nina would not tell them who organized the parties, saying that was too dangerous.

Olivia and Mike went to IAB with the files of the two raping cops and met with Ed Tucker. She and Ed exchanged a quick glance, knowing they would have to be all business in front of Mike.

 **"So you bust a sex party and find a madam who says she's a nun?"** Ed asked them, sitting behind his desk and thumbing through the file Mike had handed him.

 **"Which we confirmed,"** Olivia told him. They had let Nina go, because she really was a nun and not someone profiting from the parties.

 **"And two Vice cops who say they're undercover,"** Ed stated, looking at the pictures of Russo and Jefferson.

 **"Yeah, and now we have a teenage vic who claims that these guys raped her while they were supposedly on the job."**

 **"I don't believe they're undercover,"** Mike chimed in. **"Their whole story is BS."**

 **"But... their captain did confirm it to me,"** Olivia added.

 **"Yeah. Obviously he is in on it too,"** Mike countered. **"I mean, did he give you details, a target?"**

 **"Easy,"** Ed said. **"If they really are investigating high level corruption, it would be on a need-to-know basis."**

 **"And that gives them permission to rape?"** Mike shot back. He was clearly very motivated to get the people who were abusing their power and it suited the Chief's son.

 **"This girl did seem credible to me,"** Olivia offered, knowing that Ed would take her word for it now.

Ed sat back in his chair and clicked his tongue, thinking things over.

 **"No witnesses, no outcry, rape kit? This isn't gonna be easy,"** he told them, and Olivia frowned. What was this?

 **"So you just look the other way and I have to go back to Barba and tell him that IAB is not investigating?"** she asked, a little agitated.

 **"Hey, I thought we were friends.** **I didn't say I'm passing on these two,"** Ed said, not batting an eye. **"I've dealt with these two particular cops before. Last time was about a year ago."**

 **"When were you gonna mention that?"** Olivia asked him. Why hadn't he told them that right away?

 **"Well, nothing stuck,"** Ed explained, **"and accusations against Vice cops are a dime a dozen. But if I get them in here, and they are part of a high-level investigation, they will have to give that up in order to save their shields."**

He was right and it was the right angle to play. Olivia gave Ed a half smile before taking off with Mike in tow.

"That's it?" Mike asked her as soon as they were out in the hallway.

"Tucker knows what he's doing here," she assured her Sergeant. "If they want to keep their jobs, they will have to cough it up to IAB."

-SVU-

Much to everyone's surprise, IAB hit a brick wall too, which only made all of them more suspicious of what was really going on. Ed joined the team in the squad room to discuss the case. When they discussed talking to high school class mates of the girls that had been trafficked to try and find out who had gotten them involved with these sex parties, St. Fabiola's Academy came up as one of the schools.

 **"St. Fabiola's?"** Ed asked, perking up.

 **"It's an all-girl's parochial high school in the South Bronx,"** Mike explained.

 **"Yeah, I know it,"** Ed said. **"I might know somebody who works there. My cousin Eugene, he's a psychologist and a priest. The last I heard, he was a counselor up there."**

 **"Last you heard? He's your cousin,"** Carisi said, a little surprised that the Captain wouldn't be sure.

 **"And a priest. Our interests diverged,"** Ed said dryly.

Olivia walked up to him and asked him if he would talk to his cousin and get back to them, and Ed told her he would. She walked him out, but couldn't resist commenting,

 **"Tucker, you never told me that your cousin was a priest."**

 **"You never asked."**

She smiled and walked with him to the elevators. She looked around before wrapping two fingers around his pinky and tugging at it.

"Come over when you're done with your cousin?"

Ed smiled and she loved how his eyes lit up when he looked at her like he was doing right now.

"Absolutely."

-SVU-

Olivia was only just getting out of the shower after putting Noah to bed when she heard Ed's familiar knock on her door. She let him in quickly, wondering why he was back so soon from talking to his cousin. Ed explained that both Eugene and the Monsignor that had joined them, were hiding behind the collar and would not talk about their students. Also, they had warned him about sister Nina, who they said was on medical leave for psychiatric reasons, and should not be around children. Olivia sighed and plopped down on her couch, and Ed sat down next to her.

"This isn't an ordinary case, Olivia," he told her. "I can smell a cover-up from miles away. Please, _please_ be careful, okay?"

Olivia nodded and grabbed Ed's hand, that was resting on her thigh.

"Don't worry about me," she said softly.

"Because you can take care of yourself? Right?" Ed replied.

Olivia squinted when she looked at him.

"I do worry about you Olivia. Because I care about you."

She bit her lip and nodded slowly.

"Let me take care of you too, alright? Just a little bit?" Ed asked, looking at her with pleading puppy eyes, making her laugh out loud, but she knew he really meant it.

She hugged him and Ed held her close to him, kissing her neck softly and nuzzling his nose in her damp hair.

"Okay," she said softly. "You can take care of me a little bit."

-SVU-

They both headed to their respective offices early in the morning, and Olivia met up with Barba to update him on their progress. Or rather, their lack thereof. Amanda and Carisi were sent out to talk to Cara again, to ask if she would speak with Barba and then things went wrong fast. Cara was found dead in her room after an overdose of heroin, and sister Nina was convinced that she had been murdered. And that she would be next. Olivia decided to take Nina into her own home to keep her safe, understanding that there were dangerous forces at work here and Nina was terrified for a reason. They all couldn't put their finger on it just yet, but Olivia had a bad feeling about it all. When they were all back in the squad room, including Ed Tucker, they tried to find out who knew that Cara had talked. They came up empty. Ed even confirmed that he hadn't put Cara's name in the system so the vice cops wouldn't find it. He hadn't even told his partner the girl's name. And then it hit Olivia and she got up from the conference table to look Ed in the eye.

 **"But you did ask your cousin about her,"** she said, and the look in his eyes changed instantly to one of realization.

 **"Sonofabitch,"** he mumbled before storming off.

Olivia turned around and looked at her squad, and then decided she shouldn't let Ed confront his cousin on his own.

"I'm tagging along," she said, grabbing her things and rushing out of the squad room to catch up with Ed.

Ed went at his cousin hard. He was convinced that Eugene was in on the whole thing, and Olivia had to make an effort to make sure they wouldn't end up rolling down the isle of the church fighting. Ed wasn't backing down though, after Olivia had tried to pull Eugene aside to talk calmly with him.

 **"The only person I mentioned Cara's name to was you! And now she's dead!"** Ed yelled at the priest.

 **"My cousin has been at IAB too long. He thinks everybody is corrupt,"** Eugene said, making Ed even more furious.

When he went religious on him, Ed lost it completely and shoved his cousin up against the wall. He was convinced that they had something on his cousin to make him work with them, whoever 'they' were, and wanted to beat the truth out of him. Olivia had to push him to get him to back off, urging him to just go with her. She grabbed his arm as they walked off, but Ed was livid and yanked his arm out of her grasp. He was still fuming when they walked away from the church.

 **"You really think that he's running a sex trafficking ring?"** Olivia asked him.

 **"Or protecting it. I don't know. I want a warrant for his phone, his financials, his computer, everything! I'm gonna tear into his life until I find out what he's hiding."**

She stopped walking and so did Ed. She wasn't used to seeing him getting this worked up and he needed to calm down.

 **"No, you're not,** **Ed,"** she told him. **"He's your cousin, not a cop, okay? If he is a suspect ..."**

 **"He's more than a suspect."**

 **"Then let SVU pursue it,"** Olivia said, stressing every word. **"Not your case. Not your case."**

She reached for him then, holding him by the shoulders, promising him she would ask Barba for the warrants. He still wouldn't look at her though and she didn't know how to get through to him. He told her that sister Nina was also in danger and he finally looked at her again when she told him that Nina was safe, and that she'd take him to her.

-SVU-

Olivia wanted to kick herself for letting it slip that father Eugene was Ed's cousin. Nina had become so defensive, weird even, that Ed had left immediately to let them talk without him. But it was to no avail. Nina was too paranoid to listen to her now, believing that both she and Ed were in on the whole thing, and stormed off. Olivia sent Ed a text, telling him that Nina was gone and that she'd talk to him after speaking with Barba the next morning about the warrants they would need to investigate Eugene further.

Nothing could have prepared her for what Barba told her the next day. Monsignor Mulregan was just leaving his office when she and Mike Dodds arrived to discuss the warrants they needed to investigate the two priests they were looking at. Barba told them that a lot of judges were reluctant to hand out financial and cell records of priests. He asked where IAB was on the vice cops and they discussed how sister Nina had freaked out after learning that father Eugene and Tucker were related, and was no longer involved in their investigation. Barba wondered out loud who had known about Cara besides Ed Tucker, and asked Mike to give them a minute together. Once they were alone, Olivia asked Barba,

 **"You wanna tell me what's going on?"**

 **"You sure Father Eugene knew?"** Barba asked her gravely.

 **"Oh, yes. Tucker told him."**

 **"What do you really know about Tucker?"**

Olivia was a little surprised at the question, but was quick to answer.

 **"We go way back, he's a straight shooter, intense. No nonsense."**

 **"You've never known him to... to abuse his power, overreach, or ... he almost destroyed both of your old partners."**

 **"Yes, he arrested me too, but we're way past that. Wh ... what is this about?"**

Barba sighed and Olivia got a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. Why was Barba suddenly asking her about Ed? And then the ADA dropped the bomb: Monsignor Mulregan had made some very serious allegations against Tucker. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe how low these people that claimed to work for God would stoop. They were now claiming that they went to Tucker a year ago with information that vice was running some of their students.

 **"They also named Russo and Jefferson. And Tucker buried it,"** Barba finished.

Olivia was floored. This could not be happening. The hooks of the people behind this ring ran even deeper than she could have fathomed.

 **"And he's telling you this now?"** she spat angrily, her voice trembling, and she started pacing. **"This is about protecting Father Eugene. I was there, at that church, when Tucker confronted him. I thought he was gonna rip his head off!"**

 **"I don't know. I don't know,"** Barba sighed. **"I mean, maybe that's ... Maybe that's what he wanted you to think."**

 **"No! Ed is not capable of that!"** Olivia said, annoyed that Barba was even suggesting it.

She was certain of it. Of Ed. But she was shaking with the realization that things had just gotten a lot worse.

 **"Since when?"** Barba pressed on. **"I thought SVU hated this guy. He's gone after each and every one of you."**

 **"That's his _job_. He _has_ to be relentless,"** Olivia maintained, fiercely defending her lover. **"You're wrong about him. Trust me."**

 **"Wait,"** Barba said, looking at her attentively. **"Are you involved with him?"**

 _Shit_. She had been too defensive and Barba knew her too well. She knew there was no sense in denying anything and she felt defeated, looking away when she told him,

 **"Don't ask me that."**

She turned away from him and heard his tense voice behind her, growing in volume as he spoke. She put a hand to her forehead while she listened to him.

 **"When were you gonna tell me? I am informing you that a Captain at IAB may be involved in a sex trafficking ring, and you don't mention that the two of you are sleeping together?"**

She walked up to the ADA. She could understand that he was pissed with her right now for not telling him about her relationship with Ed, but he had to know that Ed was being set up.

 **"You're wrong about him,"** she told Barba, looking him in the eye. **"Bring him in here, ask him yourself."**

Barba was affected by the immediate tension between them, but drew a clear line. There was now officially a conflict of interest between them, so he had no choice. He told her,

 **"You and I are done talking."**

Olivia wasn't sure what was more upsetting. Having Barba throw her out of his office, with good reason, or his suspicion of Ed, or the whole setup, that was clearly being orchestrated from within the church. She gathered her things slowly, glancing at Barba, who looked extremely disappointed in her. Well, if he didn't clear Ed asap, she would be disappointed in him as well. She left his office with a heavy heart and didn't speak a word to Dodds on their way back to the station.

-SVU-

Ed called her and asked her to meet him in a café far away from both their homes and their offices. They couldn't afford to be seen together off the clock right now.

 **"Ed,"** she sighed when she spotted him in the dark bar.

He stood up and thanked her for coming, giving her a warm hug.

 **"Nobody saw you, right?"** he asked her, and she couldn't believe how on edge he was.

 **"Here? No,"** she assured him as they sat down.

Ed kept his eye on the door while they went over what Olivia had heard so far. Ed was being investigated for sex trafficking, corruption and murder and had to come in early the next day to be interrogated. Olivia told him that Barba now knew about their relationship, and Ed took her hands in his on the table.

 **"You know how this goes. Don't stick your neck out. It'll look like you're covering for me,"** he told her.

Olivia wanted to object, ready to take on the world for him and to fight the people that were setting him up. But Ed didn't want her to be caught up in his mess.

 **"Hey. They can't prove anything, because I haven't done anything. Allright? I'm gonna be fine."**

 **"And we just let these guys skate?"**

 **"You wanna go after the Church, City Hall and Albany for an IAB investigator who's loathed by half of NYPD? Stay out of it,"** Ed urged again.

Olivia's cell phone buzzed and she checked the incoming message. She sighed. This was not good. Not at all.

 **"Well, it just might be too late,"** she told Ed, realizing instantly that Barba had told 1PP about her and Ed. **"1PP wants to see _me_. Immediately."**

-SVU-

To be continued.


	11. Unholiest Alliance

_Hello again! I'm updating this story early because writing went very smoothly these past few days._

 _Some of you are asking about Olivia's remark in episode 4 of season 18 about every relationship having secrets, and if I'm going to get to that. I have no idea where the writers are going with this, and it is pretty far in the future compared to where my story is right now. I don't plan to make this a very lengthy story, since the goal was to create a believable backstory for Tuckson. I think I have reached that goal already, and plan to wrap this one up in with the season 17 finale. Just one more chapter to go after this one._

 _If what the writers come up with is interesting enough, I may do a sequel to this story about how Tuckson unfolds in season 18. I do agree that Olivia's fear that her new-found happiness won't last, combined with that remark about secrets, are food for thought ... I'm leaving a few cracks in the budding Tuckson relationship, which I think is very much in character considering their history with relationships, but I will finish chapter 12 with a happy ending! Here is chapter 11 for you first, taking another peek behind the scenes of what we saw on TV._

-SVU-

* * *

 **11\. Unholiest Alliance**

-SVU-

They hadn't asked her about Ed at all. Olivia had been transferred to Community Affairs, starting immediately. She had packed up her desk quickly, much to the surprise of her squad, including Sergeant Dodds, whom she had put in charge of the unit. The team was confused, not understanding why allegations against Tucker would have anything to do with her, and she didn't feel like explaining it. She wanted to talk to Barba first. She waited for him to come in for work the next morning and approached him in the street.

 **"Barba."**

Barba continued walking, coffee in hand, and told her,

 **"We're not supposed to be talking."**

 **"No? Did you know that I was getting transferred?"** she asked him bitterly, but he told her 1PP didn't keep him informed about things like that. Olivia filled him in angrily and Barba finally stopped walking.

 **"You told them about me and Tucker, and a few hours later I'm getting pep talks about what a great asset that I would be to women in Community Affairs."**

 **"Liv, you're seeing someone I'm investigating. 1PP had to know,"** Barba reasoned, but Olivia was still on a crusade.

 **"Tucker is not a sex trafficker!"**

 **"Then the investigation will clear him. Until it does, just stay out of it,"** Barba insisted.

Olivia tried to speak calmly to get through to the man but couldn't hide her anger completely when she told him,

 **"Whoever's behind this murdered Cara, and while you and 1PP are chasing their Trojan horse, other girls are in danger."**

Barba told her that he couldn't talk with her about this and walked off, leaving Olivia baffled. She wanted to go after him but her phone rang. It was sister Nina, calling to let her know she was leaving town, and to tell 'them' she wasn't cooperating with the investigation any longer. She didn't want to lose Nina as a witness but before she could say anything, Nina ended the call.

-SVU-

Ed had reported in as requested early in the morning, and Olivia met up with him during a brief break. She hadn't reported for duty at Community Affairs yet. There were too many loose ends and she couldn't just walk away from the case. She spotted him pacing outside, putting out a cigarette.

 **"Ed, hey. How are you holding up?"** she asked as she walked up to him.

 **"Group One's been grilling me since 8 am."**

 **"They can't think that you're in on this,"** Olivia sighed, shaking her head.

 **"Oh, yeah, they can,"** Ed told her. **"What do you got?"**

She stood close to him when she told him,

 **"You need to be careful. Somebody's after Sister Nina, and you might be next."**

She filled him in or her brief phone conversation with Nina, and that she couldn't reach the woman now. But she had called Dodds, who was trying to find her. Ed was due back upstairs and asked her to keep him posted. Olivia sighed when he walked off. She still couldn't believe this was all happening. She and Ed didn't need to hide their involvement anymore, since everyone seemed to know about it now anyway, and that was possibly the only good thing that had come out of it so far. A big relief was, that Sergeant Dodds was still working with her, albeit under the radar, and was keeping both of them in the loop. He met up with her the next day with bad news: Nina had been found raped and killed in the woods. She'd been raped by father Akintola, the second priest they were trying to investigate, and then shot point-blank.

Olivia went to Ed's apartment that afternoon. She needed an outlet for her grief for sister Nina and her anger about the whole situation. And with Ed suspended pending investigation, it was a welcome opportunity to spend some quiet time together. She shed a few tears on his shoulder for sister Nina and the girl Nina had tried to rescue, and felt guilty that they had tried to run off. Ed just held her and stroked her back, but she knew he was tense as well. The accusations that were hanging over his head weighed heavily on him. It felt good to share their concerns about the situation with each other, but Ed wasn't really sharing his emotions. It made Olivia want to be brave as well, and she decided to distract him a little by climbing in his lap and kissing him tenderly.

"Ed. This isn't over. Dodds is still on the case," she told him.

Ed scoffed, clearly not sharing her optimism.

"I know how these things go, Olivia. I know better than anyone. Maybe I should just put my papers in now."

Olivia had never seen the Captain so defeated and she wanted to do something to make him feel just a little better while they waited for this elaborate scheme to play out. She kissed him again and looked into his eyes.

"Hey. I'm still here. _We're_ still here. Don't give up now."

His eyes softened a little then, and she couldn't help feeling it was for her benefit. But when he returned her kiss, she closed her eyes and blocked out everything else. It was just the two of them for now, nothing else. When she finally felt the muscles in Ed's back relax a little, she smiled against his lips.

"You know you want me," she whispered, and that finally made Ed smile as well.

They didn't bother moving to the bedroom when they started undressing each other, and made love on the brown leather couch in the middle of Ed's living room. Ed pulled a throw blanket over them afterwards and they lay in each other's arms, content for now but still worried about what the next few days would bring.

-SVU-

The team hit the thick brick wall of the church again, with everyone they tried to talk to closing ranks to protect their own. All for the good of the church, as one of the nuns put it. They managed to get warrants at last for the two priests, the Monsignor and the Bishop by pressuring the judge they had caught in the act at the sex party to cooperate with them. They finally found out why father Eugene was protecting the sex trafficking ring: he had a secret life with male 'trainer'. Mike Dodds asked them to meet him and met up with Olivia and Ed at a local bar. He showed them some of the photos the girlfriend of Eugene's trainer Lance Woodstone had given them.

 **"I knew Eugene was hiding something,"** Ed said, showing Olivia a picture on Dodds' phone.

 **"This trainer ... Eugene is his sugar daddy?"** Olivia asked, completely stunned.

Dodds confirmed that father Eugene paid for all the man's expenses, and spent a lot more than he was making as a priest. Their working theory was that Eugene was getting the money from the trafficking ring.

 **"You're sure that the monsignor knew?"** Olivia asked Dodds.

 **"Yeah, we are. Now, it turns out that Lance also had a sugar mama who found out about him and Eugene. Here's a copy of the outraged email that she sent to Monsignor Mulregan two years ago."**

 **"Giving him leverage over Eugene,"** Ed said.

 **"And the vice cops,"** Olivia added, **"Jefferson and Russo. He knew that they were raping his girls, so he gets them and Eugene to frame you."**

She was angry but also relieved that they were finally getting somewhere. Dodds asked Ed about his meeting with these two vice cops a year ago, and he confirmed that he'd spoken with them, but on a completely unrelated matter. A pimp accused them of shaking down his girls but since that pimp had accused half the NYPD, it was just a pro forma meeting. Ed's partner was sick that day and he hadn't bothered to record the conversation. So it was Ed's word against Vice and the Catholic Church.

 **"At least we know why my cousin is lying. You bring him in, show him those pictures,"** Ed told Dodds.

 **"That's easier said than done,"** Dodds replied. **"Everyone at Saint Fabiola's has gone to ground."**

Something occurred to Olivia, who was going into detective mode.

 **"They have? Well, then I assume that Eugene doesn't know that you have his trainer."**

Dodds nodded and Ed and Olivia looked at each other. They finally had something to work with. After Dodds left to get Lance to work with them, they had another drink before going their separate ways.

-SVU-

They knew the team was confronting the church, and that the Monsignor had used one of the DA's that was in on the whole thing to cover up what they knew about Eugene's lifestyle. Olivia had met up with Ed again after work and they were musing about the case and coverups in general, when Olivia got a text from Barba, telling her to watch the news on CNM. Olivia asked the bartender to switch on the TV behind the bar and they were just in time to watch a statement from Monsignor Mulregan on behalf of the Catholic Church. He talked about how father Eugene had become involved in a sex trafficking ring, because he had been blackmailed into cooperating by the NYPD's vice squad and IAB, and that there were a lot of parties involved. They were throwing all their accomplices under the bus, and Ed Tucker with them.

Olivia sighed and shook her head, putting a hand on Ed's arm.

 **"It's the scorched earth defense. I almost feel sorry for Eugene."**

 **"I don't,"** Ed replied, his eyes moving restlessly around the room.

Next up was Bishop Catalano, who publicly asked the FBI to take over the investigation from the NYPD. Ed was feeling the weight of what was happening on his shoulders. Just when they thought the were getting somewhere, the church pulled out all the stops and did this. Another drink was definitely in order.

"What do you think will happen next?" Olivia asked him while they put their coats on a while later.

Ed shrugged.

"It's just one big mess. There are no winners here."

Olivia looped her arm through his as they walked out of the bar.

" _We_ are going to win, Ed. Dodds isn't going to give up."

He sighed and Olivia wondered if he was losing his fighting spirit.

"Let's see what king Noah is up to, shall we?" she suggested, and that elicited a smile from Ed at last.

"That, Lieutenant, is a plan," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders with a smile.

They went home to relieve Lucy, and spent some time with Noah before his bedtime. Around nine, Dodds called Olivia and asked if he could come over. Ed was pacing in her living room while they waited for the Sergeant. They were both tense and when Dodds finally got there, he had bad news.

 **"In the spirit of transparency, my father has made it clear that he's willing to throw you both under the bus,"** he told them.

 **"Oh, yeah? Are you driving it?"** Ed fired back immediately.

 **"Ed, he called us,"** Olivia sighed, hoping he wouldn't go on the offense again.

 **"He did say that you brought this on yourself,"** Dodds told Ed, **"meeting with the Vice cops and Father Eugene without your partner."**

 **"Well, that's always been your father's one great strength, you know?"** Ed bit back. **"No one knows how to cover their ass like he does."**

 **"How about we focus on where we go from here?"** Olivia asked, trying to dissolve the tension between the two men.

She knew Mike Dodds was still in their corner, unlike his father. She suggested trying to turn father Eugene because he'd looked to her like someone close to his breaking point. Ed didn't expect his cousin to turn against the only employer he ever had, leaving Dodds with nothing else to work with. Ed had been looking out the window and turned to face both of them when he said,

 **"Alright. You got to love the irony, though, huh? All these years, telling cops to put in their papers before charges get filed ... now it's my turn."**

He wasn't showing any emotion as usual, but Olivia knew him better by now. She walked Dodds out, thanking him for his help. Her Sergeant said that he had been ordered to drop the case and she understood his hands were tied. She'd been in that situation many times herself. Things didn't look good for Ed. He was giving up, and she couldn't bear it. In all the years they had crossed paths, she'd never seen him give up, ever. There was no distracting him now. He stayed the night but he tossed and turned for hours, too restless to give her his undivided attention or to fall asleep. Olivia knew her team well enough to know they would try to get to the truth under the radar anyway. It was what she used to do as well when she was younger. Hell, she'd still do it now if she was still running SVU. But she didn't want to give Ed any false hope and just lay next to him quietly, rubbing his stomach or his back, whichever was within reach. Around 2.30 am he propped himself up on one elbow and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry that I got you mixed up in all of this," he said softly. "And I'm sorry for clamming up on you. I'm just ... I'm not very good at this sharing the burden stuff you know."

Olivia smiled at him in the dark and reached up to caress his cheek.

"Neither am I," she admitted, "but it's still nice not to sleep alone."

Ed kissed her forehead again and she tilted her head back to capture his lips with her own.

"It is," he agreed before settling next to her again.

They still didn't sleep much, but it was good to be together.

-SVU-

* * *

-SVU-

Detective Carisi.

Who would have thought he'd be the one to save the day in the end. He'd actually gotten through to father Eugene, who had given up the location of twenty years worth of meticulous records of everything the sex trafficking ring had been up to. The evidence was overwhelming, and the Bishop turned out to be one of the ring leaders, together with Monsignor Mulregan. All their clients were civil servants like judges, DA's and councilmen, who donated generously to the church in return for being serviced by young girls. Plus they would look the other way when that was needed. A grand jury hearing brought everything out in the open and a long list of men was indicted. Many trafficked girls testified against the Bishop and the Monsignor, and the vice cops as well as father Eugene admitted to participating in the sex parties, and that they had been told to frame Ed Tucker. Ed had never had anything to do with the ring at all, and was cleared of all charges.

Olivia got a call from Chief Dodds, letting her know she was getting her office back. The man had been cordial and chipper on the phone but she knew it was all an act. He wouldn't have lost any sleep if both she and Ed had lost their jobs, or even their pensions. She was just grateful that his son wasn't like his father.

Ed took her out to celebrate and they sat close together at a bar near Olivia's apartment.

 **"So you get to keep your job,"** Olivia smiled.

 **"And you get yours back."**

 **"Congratulations to us,"** Olivia said, and she downed the rest of her glass of red wine.

Ed's demeanor changed when she signaled the waitress for a refill, and she tilted her head to make eye contact with him.

 **"What?"**

 **"Nothing,"** Ed said quickly. **"It's ... it's just I thought, you know ... I know this has been stressful and everything. Thought we could take it easy tonight."**

It dawned on her that he was referring to her drinking. Did he think she had a problem with that? He'd been taking her out for drinks for weeks now. But she wasn't going to call him on that, so she settled on saying,

 **"Oh, okay. I thought we were celebrating."**

 **"Oh, we are. It's just..."**

She wasn't going to get into a fight with him tonight. They were yet to have their first real fight, and this wasn't the time to have it, she decided.

 **"I get it,"** she said quickly. **"You're just looking out for me."**

He knew she was a strong and independent woman, but apparently he hadn't figured out yet that she didn't like to be coddled or told what to do. His soft voice when he answered her, helped her relax again.

 **"Always."**

She grabbed his hand and brought it to her mouth, kissing his knuckles.

"So you want to keep a clear head for later tonight?" she joked, lightening the mood.

Ed grinned.

"I hadn't thought that far ahead, but now that you mention it ..."

Olivia chuckled and decided that this was alright. She liked the banter between them and he'd remember soon enough that she had a mind of her own. And she didn't have a drinking problem. Of course she didn't.

-SVU-

To be continued.

 _I just had to add some of Olivia's thoughts to that last scene, since I thought it was so out of character for her. Let me know if you agree or not. Both is fine!  
_


	12. Heartfelt passages

_This story is coming to a close for now, while I wait for what the writers are going to do with Liv & Ed in season 18. Enjoy my version of the season 17 finale with this backstory in mind._

 _I had to change the lines in the last scene of the season a bit, because it's totally illogical that Olivia wouldn't know about Ed's failed marriage by now. The writers just came up with that little bit of information way too late to fix the rift this ship has caused in the SVU fandom. Anyway, thank you so much for reading this attempt to fix that! At the end,_ _I've added an epilogue to give you all a little extra Tuckson loving._

-SVU-

* * *

-SVU-

 **12\. Heartfelt passages**

 _This is on me. This is on me._

Those words just kept ringing in Olivia's ears. She shouldn't have taken Mike Dodds with her on his very last day at SVU. She shouldn't have left him alone with the Munsons. They should have checked Munson and the house for weapons. She was still shaking when she, Amanda and Carisi arrived at the hospital. A few minutes later, Mike's doctor came into the waiting room and informed Chief Dodds and her that they should reach out to any family and tell them to come. Mike had lost a lot of blood and was in surgery.

Olivia felt sick to her stomach but Chief Dodds needed her support right now. No matter how she felt about the man, no one deserved to go through this anguish of fearing for their child's life. If it had been Noah ... she didn't even want to think about it and she tried to keep functioning on autopilot. A short while later, she just got off the phone with Lucy when Ed came walking up to her.

 **"Liv. I got here as quick as I could. He still in surgery?"**

Ed took her by the hand and led her to the hallway so they could talk in private.

 **"He's alive."**

 **"We'll take that. You all right?"**

She wasn't. Not at all. But she wasn't going to break down at the hospital.

 **"I ... I was walking Munson's kids out to the car,"** she told Ed with a shaky voice, **"and I left Dodds in there. I had a feeling ..."**

 **"Whoa ho ho, don't do that,"** Ed interrupted, putting his hands around her waist. **"There's a hundred ways that could have gone."**

 **"I should have let Dodds walk the kids out to the car,"** Olivia maintained, beating herself up over and over again.

 **"Hey, look at me,"** Ed said gently, taking a hold of her hands.

Olivia didn't want to look up. She wanted to curl up in a ball and be anywhere but here, but she held on tight to his hands.

 **"You allright?"** Ed insisted. **"You need anything? Something to eat? Maybe a coffee?"**

She didn't need anything. She just needed him.

 **"Just be here,"** she whispered, still shaking, and Ed promised her,

 **"I'm not going anywhere."**

And he didn't. He left briefly to make arrangements to have Mike's finacée picked up at the airport, and came right back to be with her. Hours later, they finally got the good news that the operation had been successful and Mike was awake. They stayed at the hospital all night and Olivia even nodded off on Ed's shoulder for a while, until Carisi had to wake her because of another threat against Barba. She sent the team out with instructions and then, after Mike's fiancée arrived, Mike suddenly took a turn for the worse. He was having a seizure of some kind and the long wait started all over again.

Olivia looked at the man sitting next to her. He was guarding her, staying awake the whole time, and somehow he reminded her of Elliot again. The past few weeks had been good. They were both back to working hard, while enjoying their time off together and with Noah. They were finding their groove together and Olivia had felt more balanced lately than she had in a long time. Maybe she had never felt this balanced. Ed listened to her rants about perps they had caught and she laughed at his gallows humor. She went home early more and they stayed in more, and she was glad she had built up some credit with Lucy. She really needed Noah's nanny now. She wasn't going home until they knew for certain that Mike was going to be alright. Or not. There was still that possibility. She didn't want to keep going over what had happened at the Munson's house, but she just couldn't stop it. Ed must have picked up on that, because he kept touching her or giving her a small kiss at exactly the right time. Just having him close to her made her feel like she wasn't losing her mind completely.

-SVU-

Mike was pronounced braindead by noon the next day. Blood clogging had caused a massive stroke and the damage was permanent. The Chief was devastated. Olivia didn't know what to feel, and all but shut down when she had to tell the team the bad news. She couldn't speak at all and just stood there, defeated, when she faced them. Ed walked up to her quickly and held her. She felt numb and let him lead her outside to her car. When they got to her place, Olivia walked straight into her bedroom and collapsed on the bed, trusting Ed to deal with Lucy and Noah.

She stayed in bed all day and all night, until the next morning, and Ed stayed. He didn't ask her anything, he just took care of Noah and made her breakfast. She felt like a zombie right up until the funeral. She put on a brave face then, and tried to comfort Mike's grieving father. Some of the Chief's words stuck with her.

 _'He knew better. He's known since he was six, since I was a beat cop. DV is the most dangerous situation in the world. What the hell was he thinking?'_

What the hell had _she_ been thinking? Why had she brought Mike and why had she left him alone, while she was the one with the most experience? The guilt was eating her up and she scheduled a session with Dr. Lindstrom. Talking to her therapist, a neutral party, wasn't the same as talking to Ed. Ed was trying, but he didn't have the insight she needed right now to start dealing with what had happened.

During the session, all the pain hit her again. At least she was feeling something again, after feeling numb for so long, but she had to wonder if this was any better.  
But it did help to talk about it, and to be told that she shouldn't feel guilty for surviving, or even for being relieved that she had survived.

 **"You've got to mourn this loss, but you cannot judge yourself for feeling relieved that you survived,"** was how Dr. Lindstrom put it.

 **"I can't?"** she asked him meekly, still wiping her eyes and her nose and fumbling with her tissue. It was all coming out now.

 **"You are lucky to be alive, and Noah is lucky that you are,"** Dr. Lindstrom said, **"but that is not why you left that house."**

It hadn't been her intention to escape danger. He was right about that. She just wanted everyone to get out safely, starting with the children. They always started with the children.

 **"I know you think you know everything, but no one could have predicted what was going to happen there,"** her therapist stressed. **"It was Dodds' time. It wasn't yours."**

It was tough to accept, but she wanted to try. It was the only way to be able to keep going, for Noah's sake. She went back to work but it was hard. On a rare day off, Ed took her and Noah out for ice cream and a walk in the park. The weather was great and Olivia enjoyed feeling the sun on her face.

"You okay now Liv?" Ed asked her, and she smiled at his use of her nickname. He'd only recently started calling her Liv and she liked it a lot.

 **"I just feel so exhausted,"** she admitted.

 **"Probably better than numb,"** Ed joked, knowing she still had her numb moments.

 **"I don't know how you're still standing after the last few days. The whole year, actually,"** Ed remarked as they strolled along with Noah between them.

 **"Well, lucky I got this little guy to wake me up at 6 am,"** Olivia said, looking down at her son and smiling. Noah really had been her lifeline ever since he came into her life and into her home, and he still was.

 **"Big dog!"** Noah said, seeing a huge dog passing them, and they admired the animal together before continuing their walk.

 **"I put transfer papers in today,"** Ed told her casually and her eyebrows shot up. **"Hostage negotiation has an opening."**

Olivia was stunned.

 **"You're leaving IAB? After all this time, that's ..."**

 **"Like letting go of a rope,"** Ed finished for her. **"At the funeral, I realized I can't spend the rest of my life obsessing about whether or not a cop is lying to me."**

 **"Wow, Ed.** That's a very big step."

"Well, you know, after my ex uh ... well, **I just thought I could never trust anybody again. Turns out I was wrong."**

They had stopped walking and Ed faced her when he told her,

 **"Olivia Margaret Benson, I trust you."**

She smiled, and then Ed kneeled next to Noah.

 **"And this little guy."**

He tickled Noah, who laughed excitedly, and Olivia laughed as well, leaning over Noah.

 **"We have a good thing going here, the three of us,"** Ed said, looking up at her seriously.

 **"Yeah, we do,"** she agreed. It really did feel right.

 **"So ..."** Ed said, standing up again and moving closer to her.

 **" So ..."** she repeated, wondering where he was going with this conversation.

 **"It might be nice to get away for a while."**

That sounded like a great idea.

 **"How do you feel about Paris?"**

 **"Paris?"** she said softly, gazing into his eyes, that were looking at her so lovingly right now.

 **"Yeah,"** Ed said, shrugging to come across as casual, but she knew going to Paris together wasn't a casual thing.

They smiled at each other and Olivia pulled him closer to her by his jacket.

 **"I like it."**

She kissed him and felt like there were little bubbles of light and laughter floating through her system. Was this what happiness truly felt like? It was almost like a dream. She knew she still had demons to conquer. Old ones and newer ones. But going to Paris with Ed and Noah really was like a dream. It was a dream come true.

-SVU-

* * *

-SVU-

 **Epilogue**

"That was amazing!"

"No. _You_ are amazing."

Olivia laughed heartily, throwing her head back while trusting Ed not to let her fall. He had booked them the most beautiful room on the top floor of a hotel in the center of Paris and they had just had sex on the roof. It was a little risqué but they had been relatively quiet right up until the end when she'd cried out his name, and he hers. Olivia was still leaning against the four foot high brick wall that ran along the edge of the roof and she had just lowered her legs again, that had been wrapped around Ed's waist. She was a bit wobbly on her feet but Ed's arms were securely around her waist now. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. She was in Paris at last, for the first time in her life. Her son was sleeping peacefully in the extra bed in their room and they had snuck up to the roof to be alone for a while.

His hips were pressed into hers, her dress still hiked up to her waist, and she thought she could stay like this all night. They had really needed this, both of them. A break from the horrors of the job and the memories of Dodds' death and his funeral. She moved her arms down and stroked Ed's bare back underneath his shirt. His scarred skin reminded them of what he had survived, just like her scars did for her. They had had a rocky year but they were still standing strong. And they were standing stronger together.

"Tomorrow I'm taking the two of you up in the Ferris wheel," Ed announced, and Olivia smiled.

"You wanna take me even higher?" she said with a sly smile.

Ed grinned.

"Nothing beats the heights you take me to, Liv."

"You're such a romantic," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"No I'm not," Ed said honestly and Olivia chuckled.

"I know you're not Ed. But that's okay. With what you can do to my body, who needs music and candles and wine?"

Ed kissed her neck lovingly and then moved his lips to her collar bone while he stepped back a little to smooth her dress back down her legs.

"You're pretty amazing yourself, Lieutenant Benson," he mumbled against her skin.

"You said that already, Captain Tucker," she said softly.

"I mean it."

"I know."

Ed lifted his head to look at her and rested his forehead against hers, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I want the real deal with you, Liv," he told her seriously.

"I know," she said again, never breaking eye contact with him.

"Do you know why?"

She didn't speak then and held her breath. She knew what was coming. She knew why. She just needed to hear him say it. For once, she needed to hear a man actually say it to her. She closed her eyes and kissed him deeply when he said those three little words.

"I love you."

-SVU-

 **The End**  
(for now)

* * *

 _If you want to make sure you don't miss the possible season 18 sequel to this story, please follow me on this board!  
And do leave a review with your thoughts. All writers love feedback.  
Thank you for taking the time to read this story all the way to the end!_


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